In the fall of 1986, I was doing a lot of work as a yearbook photographer. I had my camera with me at school every day and I often took candid shots of people. One day after school I was helping a group make decorations for the Homecoming dance. At one point I got a shot of John and Sally making some funny faces.
Another day I saw Sally sitting in the foyer, and as I was getting ready to take a picture I saw Gary to her right and my left with his camera. I was ready when she saw Gary and turned in my direction and I got the shot.
Throughout the year, when it would be announced that a group was having their picture taken, I would go to the photography classroom to make sure the photographer assigned showed up. As backup I often ended up taking the photos myself. I tried to be someone the photo teacher could count on.
One day, late in the year, I saw Evelyn working on something in the foyer. I sneaked up with my camera and got a photo of her with a surprised look on her face. A few weeks later, on January 6, I dropped a print of that picture by her house with a little note: "Why so surprised? Someone thinks you are beautiful. Would you go to the prom with me?"
Evelyn gave me her answer just six days later -- imagine that! She said yes. I was excited, and mutual friends told me that Evelyn was excited, too. I wrote in my journal that "Evelyn is a great girl, I really like her. I am not, however, looking for a girlfriend." I would get more excited as the dance approached, and Evelyn, herself, would tell me that she was also excited.
The evening started out great when I picked Evelyn up and told her how wonderful she looked. We joined a group of friends for dinner, which we ate at an antique store in Salt Lake. That's when things started to go downhill for me. Throughout dinner, I hardly said a word, I just could not think of anything to say. The only thing on my mind was that there wasn’t anything on my mind -- except, maybe, a song; there is always a song or some other piece of music playing in my head. I began to feel very self-conscious, but in such a large group, I doubt anyone noticed that I wasn't talking.
After dinner we drove over to Symphony Hall and the dance. The minute we walked into the foyer, I was flooded with thoughts of Julie, whom I had taken to the Junior Prom two years earlier, which had been held at this same venue. The first thing Evelyn and I did was get into the line for the dance photos, which left me a lot of time to think about Julie, the night of that dance, the troubles since, and the last few weeks of arguing about the meaning of friendship.
By the time it was our turn to sit for the photograph, I was in complete despair -- but I was not going to let it show. I forced a smile for the camera, and then tried to pretend that I was having a great time. I don’t know if Evelyn ever picked up on my depression. Perhaps I had gotten good at hiding my feelings; I had had enough practice by then.
We laughed until we had to cry
And we loved right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we'll ever be
Just you and me...
For Just a Moment
We chased that dream
that we never found
And sometimes we let one another down
But the love we made
made everything all right
We shone so bright
For Just a Moment
Those are the lyrics from the love theme to the movie St. Elmos Fire, "For Just a Moment," which happened to be the theme of the Junior Prom that year.
Evelyn deserved so much more, which added feelings of guilt to my depression. For her, I did my best to hide my feelings, and I hope that, somehow, she had a great time in spite of me.
Time goes on
People touch and they're gone
And You and I
will never love again
like we did then
Someday when we both reminisce
We both say there wasn't too much we missed
And through the tears (and through the tears)
we'll smile when we recall
We had it all
For Just a Moment
I wondered, for just a moment, if Mary had not done me a favor in canceling on the prom the year before. I had been hung up on Julie at that time, too. Had I been able to take Mary to the prom, would the same thing have happened that night that was happening on this night?
As I had done at the Homecoming dance, I kept the claim tickets for the photos so that I would have an excuse to see Evelyn the next day. When I stopped by, she told me that she had had a good time the night before, and I said that I had as well. I never wanted Evelyn to know that I did not have a great time at the dance. I did not want her to wonder if it was in any way because of her.
So, naturally, I found myself blurting almost the whole story out when we got the dance photos a few days later. She paid me a compliment, saying that I looked good in the photo, and I felt the need to deflect. On top of my troubles with Julie, and my depression at the dance, I didn't have a positive view of myself. I could not see myself as anything but plain, quiet and even boring. So there were a few reasons why I might have felt the need to deflect Evelyn's compliment.
I found myself telling her that my smile in the photo was forced, which, of course, necessitated an explanation as to why. I tried to make sure that she knew it had nothing to do with her. But, seriously, who wants to hear that their date had a bad time because they were thinking of someone else?
A couple of weeks later, I saw Julie while I was on my way to school, and then thought about her most of the morning. But at lunch, Evelyn sat down with me and spoke as if she was truly happy to see me, and she was completely genuine about it. She made my day, and I stopped thinking about Julie.
Time goes on
people touch and then they're gone
But you and I will never really end
Will Never Love again
like we did then
We laughed
until we had to cry
And we loved
right down to our last goodbye...
Song Lyrics:
Love Theme From St. Elmo's Fire (for Just A Moment) written by Cynthia Weil, David Foster (1985).
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