Prom Story: She First Said Yes

January of 1986 was a crazy time for me.  I had asked a girl to the junior prom, and was sweating out her reply, while at the same time experiencing strong emotions regarding the girl I had taken to the prom the year before -- the girl I thought was my first love, and the girl I had found it very difficult to forget about when that love was unrequited.  Despite my feelings for the first girl, I decided that the best thing I could do was to wait until after I had taken the second girl to the dance.

A few days after we returned to school from the holiday break, I had a chat with Mary, the girl I had asked to the dance a few weeks earlier.  She did not say anything about the dance, but it seemed clear that she had received my note and had deciphered it.  I gathered, also, that she viewed the invitation favorably.  I hoped that she would give me her answer soon.

In the midst of all this, I experienced something of an epiphany: Life without adversity means nothing.  Our view of life tends to be shortsighted; we want what we think is right for us today and we give little thought to the consequences.  This was why I could not ask Julie to be my girl, however right it might have seemed in that moment.  Meanwhile, over the years, I had experienced quite a bit of adversity, and it taught me much about life and how to live it.  I felt that I have been given a great gift by going through all of that pain.

For a long time I was not able to see any good in my being unpopular.  I would sometimes say, “Who does my being unpopular benefit? Not so-and-so, certainly not her, and definitely not him. No one is better off because of my suffering.” What I could not see was that I was the one benefiting from my life as an outcast. I learned so much because of it, not least that I should not hurt people they way I was being hurt. I feel that today I am a far better person for the adversity I experienced. We all must realize that we are the benefactors of our own suffering and not anyone else.

It has been said that everything happens for a reason.  However, sometimes the reason is the simple fact that we make choices, or even that other people make choices.  While we have the freedom and ability to choose our actions, we do not have the ability to choose the consequences.  Still, even amidst the consequences of our choices, or the choices of others, there may still be something to learn, and something of value to take from the experience.

From the "famous last words" department, I actually wrote in my journal that "If Mary cannot go to the prom, I may start to feel bad, but then I must remember that some good must come to me as a result."  The remark contained a certain amount of prescience.

All told, I would wait three weeks for Mary's answer, yet it somehow seemed longer.  On Monday, January 13, I spoke with a mutual friend who suggested that I might finally be getting an answer about the prom.  Later that day, after school, Mary called to say that she would love to go with me to the junior prom.  What joy filled my heart, she had answered at last, and she had said yes!

I had a photography assignment due on Wednesday, which was to be an outdoor portrait.  With a view to killing two birds with one stone, I called Mary to ask if she would help me with the assignment; I thought we could also discuss plans for the dance, then less than two weeks away.  She agreed and I took her to Rocket Park -- which still had the rocket shaped tower and slide -- where I got some excellent photographs.  Mary proved to be an excellent model, a real angel with a pretty face and a sweet smile.  I can still see her, sitting in a swing, her head tilted to the side, and that incredible smile lighting up her face.

After dropping her off I was on cloud nine, so much so that I ran the stop sign a block from her house.  I did not want that feeling to end, so I went for a drive, trying to make it last.

The embers were still burning a few hours later when, at a quarter to 10 o'clock, Mary called again.  She said that she would have to cancel our date.  Since she just wanted to be friends, she did not think it would be fair to me to spend a lot of money on the dance . . . on her.  It was such a shock that I could only say that I understood.

But I did not understand.  While I think that I had accepted the possibility of our not being more than friends, I am sure I still had some hope.  Had I been so obvious?  Had my efforts to keep cool actually betrayed my feelings?

I was devastated.  Just hours before I had been on cloud nine, but now was in the depths of despair.  How could this have happened?

The next day at school was one of those long days.  It did not help to develop the pictures I had taken the day before, and to select to two best of that sweet angel.  And then I saw her in the halls.  Instead of saying "hi" and having her smile melt my heart, I felt a twinge in my stomach, and a stab to the heart, a scene that would repeat a few times throughout the rest of the week and into the next.

After the basketball game on Friday, I went with my friends to a fast food place to hang out.  There I told my friends that Mary had cancelled our date to the junior prom.  Someone asked if I would ask another girl, but with the dance just a week away I did not think that I could.  Even if I could find a girl who had not been asked, I was still devastated by what happened.  In fact, it would be a long time before I asked another girl out on a date.

Over the weekend I entertained thoughts of talking to Mary, to ask her why, and maybe to try to persuade her to change her mind.  In the end, I did not talk to her.  I chose to respect her decision.  Also, it still hurt a little when I saw her at school.  Over time, it would hurt a little less.

The junior prom of my junior year came and went, but my feelings for Julie remained. As I pondered what to do, I decided to listen to the counsel I had been given by leaders in my ward and wait until after my mission to have a girlfriend.  Meanwhile, I had to find a way to deal with my feelings.

Prom Story: The More Things Change

My junior year in high school had started better than I could have possibly imagined as I made many new friends, but it was about to take a different turn.  I had followed through on my plan to build a friendship with a girl I met in my seminary class the previous year, and now I had capped that off by asking her to the Junior Prom.  Worried that someone else might ask her first, I gave her my invite the Saturday before Christmas.

MIKE APLHA ROMEO YANKEE WHISKEY INDIA LIMA LIMA YANKEE OSCAR UNIFORM GOLF OSCAR TANGO OSCAR TANGO HOTEL ECHO JULIETT UNIFORM NOVEMBER INDIA OSCAR ROMEO PAPA ROMEO OSCAR MIKE WHISKEY INDIA TANGO HOTEL MIKE ECHO DELTA OSCAR UNIFORM GOLF.

The dance was five weeks out, but I hoped she would get back to me when school started again in January.  In the meantime, I tried to enjoy the holiday break.  I went to a multi-stake dance at the high school on New Year's Eve, but I did not seem to know many of the kids there.  I ended up having a lonely evening.

I never really liked New Year's Eve, which I usually spent alone, thinking about the lonely year that was ending, and anticipating the lonely year about to begin.  This New Year's Eve should have been different, after all, in a matter of days school would start and I would be with my friends again.  But there was the rub, while things had changed dramatically at school, they had not changed much elsewhere.

As I stood there alone at this dance, I was suddenly flooded with thoughts and emotions regarding Julie.  But why should I be thinking of Julie when I had asked Mary to the prom?  It made no sense, but the gates were open and there was no stopping the torrent of thoughts and emotions.

Do I love Julie or not?  Should I try to make her mine?  What about Mary?  Will I still like Julie after the prom?  What should I do?

If I acted on my feelings for Julie I could hurt Mary.  Somehow, I did not think Mary would appreciate it if the boy who had just asked her to a dance suddenly asked another girl to go steady.  At the same time, I doubted that Julie would even care if Mary became more than a friend.  Not that I was expecting anything more than friendship from Mary.  Sure, I had hopes, but I think we had become good enough friends that I would have been okay if that is all we ever were.

Julie, on the other hand, would more likely be hurt if I did ask her to be my girlfriend.  In hindsight, it seems clear that she did not want me to be her boyfriend.  I think I even knew this at some level, which may have made me want her all the more.  It seems that we want what we cannot have.  Additionally, letting go can be a difficult thing to do.

Some of the worst things that happen to us are the things we do to ourselves; the thoughts we entertain, the grudges we carry, etc.  Even things that are painful can be hard to let go of, then how much harder must it be to let go of the dream of a relationship, or to walk away from someone who in the past gave you joy.

For a few days I was running around in circles in my head.  First, I told myself that I loved Julie, then I said I only thought that I loved her, then I would say that I did not love her, but that I had to be her friend, which was followed quickly with the thought that I was totally, completely in love with Julie. I felt like I was losing touch with reality.

I was also psyching myself out.  At church one Sunday I tried to say "hello" to Julie, but got so nervous that I just could not do it.  I could not understand how it could be so hard to be her friend.  After all, the simple act of taking a little initiative and being the first to say "hi" had led to such a change in fortune with so many new friends.  Yet with Julie I was psyching myself out to the point of paralysis.

Naturally, I reached out for a lifeline, a sweet angel named Mary.  The smart play would be to wait until after the prom.  A good date with Mary might just change the equation, even if we just continued on as friends.  In any case, this crisis was mostly in my head.  Julie had done nothing of late to encourage the thoughts and feelings I was having.  I had been at a dance, by myself during the holiday break; I was lonely . . . and vulnerable.

The great mystery here is why I got so stirred up in the first place.  I figure it was that lonely night leaving me vulnerable, and the adversary found an opening.  It would not be the last time such a thing happened.

Somehow I managed to calm myself down enough to wait, to put everything on hold.  Julie wasn't going anywhere; if, despite all, there was still something there, it would wait until after the prom.  If there was nothing there, then nothing would be lost.  And Mary may yet give me reason to forget Julie entirely.

I did not occur to me that there might a risk to making Mary my lifeline.  I did worry that she might not say yes, or that she might not answer at all, especially as the days dragged by without an answer.  I would be blindsided by what actually happened.

Get Happy

Forget your troubles, come on get happy

You better chase all your cares away
Shout Hallelujah, come on get happy
Get ready for the judgment day

The sun is shining, come on get happy
The Lord is waiting to take your hand
Shout Hallelujah, come on get happy
We're going to the Promised Land

We're heading 'cross the river
Wash your sins away in the tide
It's all so peaceful
On the other side

These are the lyrics to the song Get Happy, which was composed by Harold Arlen, with lyrics written by Ted Koehler. It echoes themes of a Christian evangelical revivalist meeting song. It was the first song they wrote together, and was introduced by Ruth Etting in The Nine-Fifteen Revue in 1930.

Influenced by the Get Happy tradition, it is most associated with Judy Garland, who performed it in her last MGM film Summer Stock (1950) and in live concert performances throughout the rest of her life. The versions from Summer Stock finished at #61 in AFI's 100 Years...100 Songs survey of top tunes in American cinema.

Get Happy is a term used in the African American Gospel Music tradition, that refers to the experience of receiving the Holy Spirit during a Church service, usually involving ecstatic singing, or during prayer, or spontaneously.

Last week I posted about the song Accentuate the Positive and wrote that I had made it my theme song.  Get Happy is another piece in the soundtrack.  It is a reminder that we should be happy because of the gospel.  Here is a video of Garland performing the song in Summer Stock:

Al Fox Carraway is an example of someone who is happy because of the gospel.  Al, often referred to as the "Tattooed Mormon," wrote that this label resulted from the title of a post she wrote for her blog "In the Head of Al."  In her book More than the Tattooed Mormon she writes that she would rather be known as the "Happy Mormon," because of the joy the gospel of Jesus Christ has given her.  The label fits, for her joy and happiness are infectious.  Recently, she posted on Facebook:

Embrace yourself, your life and your role—whatever it is that it may be. Keep being you. Keep laughing. Keep praying. Keep trying.

Your life has purpose. It has deep meaning. It has Godly help & support available at every stage of your life.

And we do not need to be any more of anything to feel of Him, to be loved by Him and receive the best ever created by Him

Don't exhaust yourselves to live up to this "perfect" image someone else created for your life. Stop thinking perfect is a thing, you guys, it's not a thing & don't drink the poison of comparison.
Because life is too short not to love the journey God has for you.
Because life is too short not to see yourself the way He sees you.
And who He sees you as is someone capable of becoming like Him.
And. that. is. everything.
Enjoy it—because it’s happening.

So, I have a group on Facebook with the title Good Tidings For Us, which is meant to tie in to this blog.  If you scroll through the group you will find that I have shared a lot of things posted by Al Fox Carraway.  I really like her because of her infectious joy and happiness.  Her posts are another reminder that I am supposed to be happy.

To be happy, we need to choose happiness; this is an idea that has been floating around for the last few years.  But the choice is not always easy, if ever it is.  So, how do we choose happiness?

On the way to Gethsemane, Jesus said to his disciples, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

“The unimaginable agony of Gethsemane was about to descend upon Jesus; Judas’ betrayal was imminent," wrote Elder Neal A. Maxwell. "Then would come Jesus’ arrest and arraignment; the scattering of the Twelve like sheep; the awful scourging of the Savior; the unjust trial; the mob’s shrill cry for Barabbas instead of Jesus; and then the awful crucifixion on Calvary. What was there to be cheerful about? Just what Jesus said: He had overcome the world! The atonement was about to be a reality. The resurrection of all mankind was assured. Death was to be done away with -- Satan had failed to stop the atonement.”

Camille Fronk Olson added in the July 2011 Ensign, "Christ’s enabling power helps us feel happiness and cheer amid mortal gloom and doom. Misfortune and hardship lose their tragedy when viewed through the lens of the Atonement. The process could be explained this way: The more we know the Savior, the longer our view becomes. The more we see His truths, the more we feel His joy."

She went on to say that "Cheerfulness in the scriptural context connotes a divinely assured optimism, 'a deep trust in God’s unfolding purposes,' a grounded conviction that God will always keep His promises. When Christ proclaims, 'Be of good cheer,' He is not requesting a naïve, Pollyanna-like response to life’s cruel twists and turns. Nor is He promising a pain-free life of constant bliss. Trial is no respecter of persons. Tragedy and hardship do not discriminate. . . .  True happiness and satisfaction are found only by turning away from the world and coming to Christ."

In a March 2016 BYU devotional, Elder Larry R. Lawrence stated, “Happiness is the purpose of our existence” and “I am convinced that more than anything else, our Heavenly Father wants His children to be happy.”  Among the ways we can choose to be happy, according to Elder Lawrence, are “smiling more often, expressing gratitude, looking for and praising the good in others, welcoming the newcomer, and reaching out to those who need a friend.”

It is essential to express our gratitude to our Heavenly Father, and then we should thank our family and friends.  “We often take for granted the very people who most deserve our gratitude. Let us not wait until it is too late for us to express gratitude,” said Elder Lawrence, quoting President Thomas S. Monson’s October 2010 general conference address.

For the last year or so, I have been struggling with some very big challenges, and happiness has been fleeting at best.  The question, "What is there to be cheerful about?" has often been difficult to answer.  My desire now is to make a better effort at accentuating the positive and choosing happiness. 

The sun is shining, come on get happy
The Lord is waiting to take your hand

Shout Hallelujah, come on get happy
We're going to the Promised Land.

Sources:

Lawrence, L. R. (2016). "Choose Happiness." BYU Speeches. Accessed 6/10/2017 at https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/larry-r-lawrence_choose-happiness/

Olson, C. F. (2011) "Be of Good Cheer: Choosing Happiness." Ensign. Accessed 6/10/2017 at https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/07/be-of-good-cheer-choosing-happiness?lang=eng

Wikipedia pages:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_Happy_(song)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_Happy_(gospel_music)

Crashing the Simulator

While astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were training for the first landing on the Moon, an incident occurred in the Landing Module simulator that has since become notorious.  At some point during the simulation a problem "occurred" which called for an abort of the landing.  What happened next is a little bit fuzzy; either Mission Control in Houston, which was also participating in the simulation, failed to call for the abort, or Armstrong ignored the call.  Whatever, the cause, the simulation continued until the lunar module "crashed" into the lunar surface.

That night in the crew quarters, according to Apollo 11 crew mate, Michael Collins, Buzz was rather upset about the "crash."  According to Collins, "I could not discern whether he was concerned about his actual safety in flight, should Neil repeat this error, or whether he was simply embarrassed to have crashed in front of a roomful of experts in Mission Control."  As Buzz continued to complain, Neil suddenly appeared in his pajamas.  Collins quickly excused himself, allowing Neil and Buzz to hash it out.

According to Buzz, Neil merely complained that "You guys are making too much noise," saying that he was trying to sleep.  Neil apparently, did not try to defend what he had done in the simulation.  "That wouldn't have been Neil," explained Aldrin.

Armstrong's personality was more of the quiet, introspective type.  As Collins explained, "They say 'no man is an island'; well, Neil is kind of an island. . . . Sometimes what he is thinking and his inner thoughts were more interesting to him than somebody else's thoughts were to him, so why should he leave his island, go wading out into the shallows to shake hands with somebody, when he's perfectly happy back in his little grass hut or wherever."

The disagreement between Armstrong and Aldrin was the result of how each viewed the purpose of the simulators and their respective goals in a simulation exercise.  Armstrong, who had helped develop some of the first flight simulators when he was a NASA test pilot at Edwards Air Force Base before becoming an astronaut, viewed the simulations as an opportunity to explore potential problems, whereas Aldrin viewed the simulations as a game that he should try to win.

"People who had not been involved in simulator development during their career usually just tried to 'win,'" said Armstrong.  "They tried to operate perfectly all the time and avoid simulator problems.  I did the opposite.  I tried actively to encourage simulator problems so I could investigate and learn from them.  I am sure that some of the guys were well aware of my approach."

In contrast to Neil, Buzz was more outspoken, he was also highly driven to excel and his drive often alienated him from his fellow astronauts.   "I thought we were playing a game," said Aldrin, "and we should make an attempt to do everything we could to win the game, and the sooner we did it when we saw that things were going bad for us, the better off we'd be and the more in keeping with what we'd actually do in a real situation like that."

Aldrin had told Collins that the most important thing was not to crash.  "I felt analyzing this and that system and whatever was not playing the game properly as far as the simulator people were concerned.  If they threw a failure at us and we were losing control of the LM, would we in real flight actually go on and land?  I'm not sure we would.  They same way that if something disabled the commander, or disabled the primary guidance, or disabled the landing radar, why, we wouldn't land on the first try, we'd abort and come back.  Clearly there was a difference between Neil and I in how we reacted to the simulation.  Neil had his reasons for doing what he did."

Did Aldrin suggest during the simulation that they abort?  "I don't recall that Buzz asked me to abort -- ever -- I don't remember that," said Armstrong.  "What I do remember is that the descent trajectory that we were on during the simulation and the information we had available to us had become seriously degraded, and I thought that it was a great time to test the Mission Control center, 'Okay, guys, let's see what you can do with this.'"

Armstrong continued, "I knew I could abort at any time -- and probably successfully -- but then you lose the mission, the rest of the simulation.  This was a chance to test the control center.  Buzz took that as a black mark against us.  He thought it was a mark against his ability to perform, a mark against both of us and against our crew ability.  I didn't look at it that way at all."

According to his biographer, Armstrong wanted to promote technological learning through dialectical experimentation.  "If we couldn't come up with a solution or the ground controllers couldn't come up with a solution, that was an indication to me that, for one, I needed to understand that part of the flight trajectory better," said Armstrong.  Neil did learn from the "crash," and built a "plot of altitude versus descent rate with bands on it that I hadn't had before, so that I could tell when I was getting into a questionable area.  If I had aborted when everyone wanted me to, I probably would not have bothered to make that."

Mission Control also learned from the "crash," as the flight controller and his team reevaluated how they had handled the simulation.  "I'm sure they improved their approach to understanding it, too, and knowing when they were getting into a dangerous area," stated Armstrong.  "So it did serve a valuable purpose."

Like the lunar module simulator at NASA in the 1960s, prospective missionaries can have the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them.  Before entering the MTC, young men and young women can prepare to teach investigators by making lesson plans of the discussions found in Preach My Gospel and teaching mock discussions to members.  By making these lesson plans and teaching these mock discussions, they can learn the gospel before they attempt to teach it for real to investigators in the mission field.  These simulations should be looked upon as an opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them.

In my job I was recently a trainer, teaching classes of new call center agents systems and processes for helping customers who called in.  Role playing was a big part of this training, and everybody had the opportunity to get in front of the class and take a simulated call.  I would tell my agents the story of Neil and Buzz in the simulator with the message that they should not worry if they made a mistake.

When I went through training months earlier, I also had the opportunity to role play.  At least once I came away feeling that I had "crashed the simulator."  Like Armstrong, I viewed it as a learning opportunity.

General Charles Krulak, the commandant of the U.S Marine Corps from 1995 to 1999, argued that "There are lessons to be learned from mistakes.  Good leaders create an environment where subordinates are allowed to make mistakes, yet are not put into situations for which they are unprepared or for which the scope of the mistake could be dangerous."

Krulak defined a mistake as a wrong choice being made in an attempt to do something right.  "We must be allowed to err in peacetime to ensure we do not err in combat," said Krulak.  "We will not be able to survive if we do otherwise."

A young lieutenant named Chester Nimitz was allowed to err in 1906 when he ran his destroyer aground in the Philippines.  Normally, running your ship aground is a career killer in the U.S. Navy.  But the officers who judged him must of seen something in Nimitz, for they let him off with a mild reprimand.  This was fortunate not just for Nimitz, who would rise to become Commander in Chief of the Pacific Fleet during World War II, but also for the nation he served.

Often in our personal and professional lives, we encounter what some have termed a "no-mistake mentality."  Sometimes we choose to join in.  As one Marine officer admitted, "We are all quick to jump on the 'people must be allowed to make mistakes' bandwagon, but too often we quietly caveat this with the thought, 'As long as they're not my people.'"

Admiral Nimitz disagreed, and often gave subordinates second chances.  "Rather than making heads roll," said John H. Dalton, Navy Secretary from 1993 to 1998, "He made them think."

Since none of us are perfect, we will all make mistakes.  "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God," wrote Paul.  Let us, then, seek to have patience and understanding when others make mistakes.  We would hope others would do the same for us.
 


Sources:

Hansen, J. R. (2005). First Man: The Life of Neil A. Armstrong. New York: Simon & Schuster.

Potter, E. B. (1976). Nimitz. Annapolis, Maryland: Naval Institute Press.

"We Do These Things, Not Because They Are Easy"

On May 25, 1961, John F. Kennedy went before Congress and proposed that “this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth.”  At the time, Alan Shepard had just spent 15 minutes in space -- less, really, as his entire flight lasted 15 minutes -- and Yuri Gagarin had spent 90 minutes doing one orbit of the earth.

The challenge of landing on the moon seems rather simple now in what Winston Churchill would call the light of after time, but in 1961 it was monumental.  So many things had to be tested and accomplished before such a challenge could be reached.  NASA would need to put men into space for much longer than 90 minutes -- up to 14 days, in fact; that would have to be followed by extra-vehicular activity (EVA), or spacewalking, and then orbital rendezvous and the docking of two spacecraft.

To land on the moon, a lot had to be accomplished by a manned spaceflight program that had become known as the "led-footed Mercury" as it struggled to overcome the early challenges of sending men into space.  Shepard was followed in July 1961 by Gus Grissom, with another 15 minute suborbital lob.  Troubles with the Atlas rocket delayed America's first earth orbit mission until February 1962.

Meanwhile, the best method for sending men to the moon was still being argued.  Direct Assent called for a single rocket with the power to launch a single vehicle to land on the moon tail first and then launch from the moon for the trip home.  Because of the enormous weight involved, Earth Orbit Rendezvous proposed using multiple rockets to lift the various required pieces of a moon lander to be assembled as they circled the earth.  This still required a large moon lander with sufficient storage space to sustain the astronauts and power to lift it all from the moon's surface.

A third option called Lunar Orbit Rendezvous was initially rejected as being too risky, but the appeal of the idea eventually won out.  The stumbling block of the other two concepts was the weight of the landing vehicle and the power required to get it off the moon and on its way back to earth.

Rendezvousing in lunar orbit presented an elegant solution, which was to shed no longer needed weight on the way to the moon and on the way home.  Rocket stages needed to get the lunar vehicle into space, with a command module, could be shed once the vehicles were in earth orbit.  The stage needed to send the vehicles out of earth orbit and toward the moon could then be shed once they were on the way.  Best of all, the lunar vehicle itself could be shed when it was time to go home; one half would be left on the moon, and the other half in lunar orbit.  Additional weight could be saved because the lunar module would not have to re-enter the earth's atmosphere.

All of that, however, still lay ahead.  In September 1962, after John Glenn had completed 3 orbits of the earth, Kennedy spoke at Rice University:

"William Bradford, speaking in 1630 of the founding of the Plymouth Bay Colony, said that all great and honorable actions are accompanied with great difficulties, and both must be enterprised and overcome with answerable courage.

"If this capsule history of our progress teaches us anything, it is that man, in his quest for knowledge and progress, is determined and cannot be deterred. The exploration of space will go ahead, whether we join in it or not, and it is one of the great adventures of all time, and no nation which expects to be the leader of other nations can expect to stay behind in the race for space.

"Those who came before us made certain that this country rode the first waves of the industrial revolutions, the first waves of modern invention, and the first wave of nuclear power, and this generation does not intend to founder in the backwash of the coming age of space. We mean to be a part of it--we mean to lead it. For the eyes of the world now look into space, to the moon and to the planets beyond, and we have vowed that we shall not see it governed by a hostile flag of conquest, but by a banner of freedom and peace. We have vowed that we shall not see space filled with weapons of mass destruction, but with instruments of knowledge and understanding.

"We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war. I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours.

"There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again.  But why, some say, the Moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask, why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?

"We choose to go to the Moon! . . . We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win. . . ."

Here is a video with highlights of the speech, set to music from the HBO miniseries From the Earth to the Moon:

I don't know about you, but that fires me up.

Our individual challenges might not be as monumental as landing men on the moon.  Some may appear to be insignificant, but others may be a matter of life and death.  However a particular challenge might appear, we may still find it daunting; going on an LDS mission, going to college, starting a new job, running a marathon, etc.  Whatever the challenge we can make the choice to carry on, not because it is easy, but because it is hard, because it is a challenge that we are willing to accept and one that we are not willing to postpone.

As William Clayton wrote in 1846:

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell --
All is well! All is well!

Prom Story: New Beginnings

During my sophomore year in high school I was a member of a group called Braves Against Drinking and Drugs (BADD). In January of that year the group put together a short skit and presentation on drugs and alcohol. One day we went to some elementary and junior high schools in south Davis County and put on our show.

Not long after that the group went down to Timpview High School, in Utah County, and put on our show for a small group. In the skit I played the authoritative father who chews out his son for using drugs. “What in the Sam Hill is going on here” I would shout. “If you want to use drugs it won’t be in my house!”  It was a lot of fun to go to the schools and put on that skit, and the Timpview High road trip was a good memory.

I met some new friends in BADD and got to know some others a little bit better. These friends gave me something to look forward to each day.  My confidence was growing and even my grades started improving. I wrote in my journal that I was trying to be less dependent on whether girls liked me or not; I also wrote that I now had plenty of friends and that seemed to be enough. As it would turn out, the friends I had made so far were just the beginning.

In still another journal entry, I wrote that I had watched as some of my new friends talked to people I could only dream about being friends with.  Some events in the spring of my sophomore year would demonstrate that some dreams do come true.

One day, during my lunch hour, I was sitting in the foyer looking at some photographs and negatives – each year during high school I took photography classes.  A girl approached me and asked if she could look at the pictures.  I said sure and she asked if I had taken them.  When I said yes, she said that I was a good photographer.

I might have been too stunned at the fact she was talking to me to really appreciate the compliment.  Stephanie introduced herself, but I already knew who she was, because that year she had been on the cheer leading squad and just a few weeks before she had won an election to become a student body officer.

Not long after that, again during my lunch hour, Stephanie came by and asked me about the book I was reading.  She didn’t seem to mind that it was a book about World War II.  Like the first encounter, I was struck by how odd it seemed that she was talking to me.

As someone who had felt like an outcast for several years, I couldn’t imagine someone like Stephanie being my friend.  But, as I would quickly learn, she was not the kind of person to fit a stereotype like being too popular to be friends with, well, a much less popular person.  Stephanie continued to say "hi" to me throughout the rest of the school year, and by now I had gotten to the point where I could say hi back, and even have a short conversation.

There was another girl, Sally, that I became friends with that year.  We met on the first day of the school year when we interviewed each other in a getting-to-know-you activity in a class we shared; after the interview we then introduced each other to the rest of the class.  Sally was also a member of BADD, and had been on that road trip to Timpview High.

Perhaps the most important person I met, however, was Mary, the girl who sat behind me in my second semester seminary class.  Mary was a very pretty brunette, with a sweet personality to match.  As winter turned into spring, and as my hoped for relationship with Julie went nowhere, my interest in the angel who sat behind me in seminary grew.  While she may not have led me to say "Julie who?" she did give me reason to think that there could be someone other than Julie in my life.

But this time I was going to do it right, whatever that meant.  Having felt a little burned by Julie, I certainly wanted to be more careful with Mary.  I was going to try and build a good, solid friendship before I asked this sweet angel out on a date.

Julie and I had danced together at occasional stake dances, and seeing her everyday in the first few months of my sophomore year was exhilarating, but I don't know that we were really friends before I asked her to the prom.  With Mary, I decided, it would be different.

To build that friendship with Mary I concluded that I would need to take the initiative.  When the new school year started the next fall, I would be the first to say "hello" when I saw her in the halls.  Of course, if I was going to do that with Mary, I might as well do it with all of the friends I had made during my sophomore year.

Stephanie, and also Sally, gave me a great gift.  By reaching out to me the way she did, Stephanie gave me the courage to take the initiative.  Sally was always encouraging, telling me that I had a lot going for me.  Stephanie said I was a very kind person, which she considered to be a great talent, and Sally said that I should never fail to develop my talents.

The first opportunity for taking the initiative came on the last Saturday of the summer.  The junior class had a party, and there I ran into Sally.  We had a brief conversation, and the confidence I had in my plan to take the initiative grew.

During the first few weeks of the new school year, I was the first to smile and say "hi" when I saw my friends.  A lot had happened over the summer break, and I wanted to make sure that they had not forgotten about me.

Stephanie remembered everything but my name when I asked her to dance at the first stomp (informal dance) of the year.  Each friend I said "hi" to responded favorably, and then I started making new friends, which gave me more people to take the initiative with.  As the saying goes, the Lord helps those who helps themselves.  What happened next was more than I could ever have imagined.

As I sat watching the football game on the third Friday of the year, Jamie, who I had also met the previous year in one of my classes, came over and invited me to sit with her friends.  I accepted and spent the rest of the game sitting with Jamie and her friends.  Jamie was a junior class officer, and her invitation sparked a series of events that would change everything.

The next week, once more during my lunch hour, another junior class officer approached me to introduce himself.  John also invited me to join something called the junior committee.  I accepted this invitation, which gave me the opportunity of meeting even more people.  Naturally, that gave me even more friends to take the initiative with.

Meanwhile, each time I saw Mary in the halls, I gave her a smile and said "hello."  Each time, she responded with a smile that could melt my heart.  By late December I thought I was ready to ask her out, so I decided to ask her to . . . the Junior Prom.  I also wanted to make sure that I was the first boy to ask her to the dance, so I asked her during the Christmas break, or, in others words, way too early.  As a result I would have to wait a long time for her answer.

Accentuate the Positive

On a number of occasions, President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled us to "accentuate the positive":

"I come to you tonight with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we try to 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort."

-- Be Not Afraid, Only Believe, CES Fireside for Young Adults, September 9, 2001. 
-- Let Not Your Heart be Troubled, an address at BYU, October 29, 1974.
-- "Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism" in The New Era, July 2001

“Don’t be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. ‘Accentuate the positive.’ Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life.”

-- I found this quoted in many places.  What I did not find was a reference to the original.

If I recall correctly, once, when giving this counsel, President Hinckley referred to the song of the same name.  It's a good song, with a snappy tune.  According to Wiki, "The music was written by Harold Arlen and the lyrics by Johnny Mercer, and it was published in 1944. It is sung in the style of a sermon, and explains that accentuating the positive is key to happiness. In describing his inspiration for the lyric, Mercer told the Pop Chronicles radio documentary 'I went to hear Father Divine and he had a sermon and his subject was "you got to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative." And I said 'Wow, that's a colorful phrase!' 

"Mercer recorded the song, with The Pied Pipers and Paul Weston's orchestra, on October 4, 1944, and it was released by Capitol Records as catalog number 180. The record first reached the Billboard magazine charts on January 4, 1945 and lasted 13 weeks on the chart, peaking at number 2."

Since then, the song has been recorded by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters, Kay Kyser, Dinah Washington and Lionel Hampton, Artie Shaw, Johnny Green, Connie Francis, Ella Fitzgerald, Perry Como, Aretha Franklin, Susannah McCorkle, Sam Cooke, Paul McCartney and many others.  The song has appeared in film and television: Here Come the Waves (1944), The Dean Martin Variety Show (1967), The Singing Detective (BBC, 1986), Bugsy (1991), The Mighty Ducks (1992).  The song was used as the theme song for the T.V. series Homefront (1991-1993), which was set in the years following World War II.

Here is a video with the recording by Mercer and the Pied Pipers:

These are the lyrics:

Gather 'round me, everybody
Gather 'round me while I'm preachin'
Feel a sermon comin' on me
The topic will be sin and that's what I'm ag'in'
If you wanna hear my story
The settle back and just sit tight
While I start reviewin'
The attitude of doin' right

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium's
Liable to walk upon the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do just when everything looked so dark?

(Man, they said "We'd better accentuate the positive")
("Eliminate the negative")
("And latch on to the affirmative")
Don't mess with Mister In-Between (No!)
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

(Ya got to spread joy up to the maximum)
(Bring gloom down to the minimum)
(Have faith or pandemonium's)
(Liable to walk upon the scene)

You got to ac (yes, yes) -cent-tchu-ate the positive
Eliminate (yes, yes) the negative
And latch (yes, yes) on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
No, don't mess with Mister In-Between

For the past few years I have made this my theme song.  I have found that singing the lyrics has made it easier to take President Hinckley's counsel to "accentuate the positive."  Don't mess with mister in-between.

Lost Friends

You can find some interesting things on social media, things you were not looking for, but things which resonate with you anyway.  Last night I encountered something written by someone who, for seemingly inexplicable reasons, had lost their best friend.  It resonated with me because I have lost friends throughout my life.

When I was in the fifth grade, my best and only friend dumped me on the playground at school.  I was chasing after him and some other kids when suddenly he turned around and shouted "Can't you take a hint?"  I was blindsided.  I thought we were playing a game -- an odd game, perhaps, but a game nonetheless.

Not only did I not understand that he was trying to get away from me, I could not figure out why he would want to.  Some time after that, I watched as my former best friend listened with rapt attention as another boy told a story about something he did with his family.  It dawned on me then that he might have dumped me because I was boring.  I never received any other explanations.

In high school I fell for a girl that had been a friend.  She had been nice to me when few others were.  But she did not fall for me, and after we went on a date she seemed to be less friendly.  Eventually she tired of me and refused to be a friend.

Losing a friend is always difficult.  At least, losing a friend has always been difficult for me.  It was difficult in the fifth grade.  It was difficult in high school and never stopped being difficult until the day she moved out of state.  It was difficult in college when, for a few months, the girl I would eventually marry refused to be a friend.  So it is no surprise that I have found it difficult in more recent years when another friend has, without explanation, cut me out of their life.

I will not describe this person as my best friend, though they were among a small group of friends that were very important to me in high school.  After years of having few friends, at the beginning of my junior year I was suddenly making friends left and right.  I had entered the school year wanting to be more outgoing, and my small efforts paid huge dividends.  It was wonderful, and yet, I could not fully trust it.  Nor could I fully understand it.

Part of the problem is that, while I could overcome shyness, I could not completely change my quiet personality.  At first I was happy to bask in the light of my new friends, but the day would come when that was no longer enough.  I knew that I needed my friends but I found myself wondering if they needed me.

Because of all those years when friends were few and far between, I told myself that I did not have the opportunity to learn important social skills.  Feeling backward, I began to wonder just what friendship really was.

One of my new friends must have noticed my doubts.  "You want so much to be accepted," this friend said one day, 'and you are!"  On another occasion, this friend would tell me that the evidences of friendship that I perceived were true.  But the thing I remember most is when this individual advised me that we all have down times, and we all have moments when we feel inadequate, but we are the master of our own soul and we have the capacity to choose how we feel; we should choose to feel good and happy rather than down and depressed.

These are things that I have treasured, and because of them it is all the more inexplicable that the person who said them to me now refuses to be my friend.

High school ended and we all moved on with our lives, it is part of growing up.  But social media has given me the opportunity of connecting with old friends.  Social media also gave me the opportunity of being blocked by an old friend.

I was blindsided again when I realized that this old friend had blocked me.  Like I did on that playground so many years ago, I wondered why.  I questioned if it was all my fault, I blamed myself.  I tried to think of everything I could possibly have done, and I wrote a letter of apology for all them.  But all I received was silence.  I sought out an intermediary and finally received a response; essentially it was "You are forgiven. I don't want to open any doors of friendship. I want you to move on."

Move on from what?  And, frankly, being cut out like this did not feel like forgiveness.

That was four years ago and moving on has been difficult.  I can still question if it was my fault.  I can still blame myself.  I can be nostalgic.  I can still treasure those things my friend said to me.  I can also get angry and wonder how this friend could have left me twisting in the wind.

I cannot devalue the friendship or the memories.  I cannot take anything away from the friendship or act as if it never happened.  Strangely, I cannot be bitter; I cannot think or say bad things about my old friend.  I have wondered sometimes if it would help to have some nasty thoughts, but I have rejected the idea as it is not a road I want to go down.  It would be beneath both of us to hold on to anger.

But still I wonder.  What was it that led this person to let go?  Was it as difficult for them as it was for me?  Did it hurt them as much as it hurt me?  Am I missed as much as they are?

I doubt this person will ever see this, but if they do:

Thank you for being there on some of those occasions when I needed a friend.  Thank you for helping me break out of my shell.  Please know that I still treasure your advice, I have even shared some of it in this blog of mine.   Our friendship meant a lot to me.  Our friendship was unique, just as my friendships are and have been with each of my other friends.  Walking away at your request was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I will never understand your reasoning for letting go, but I don’t think you are a bad person. I want you to be happy, but I miss you.

I am worried, too.  Our high school reunion is just a few months away.  I don't know how I will react when I see you.  I don't know how you will want me to react.  Will you want me to approach you or to avoid you?  I don't know how you will react.  Will you turn the other way or will you smile?

Frankly, if it were possible, I would prefer to get that awkward moment out of the way before the reunion.  Whatever you desire, I will respect it.

-----

Update (August 13. 2017): 

Our high school reunion was last night, held at the school, in the expanding cafeteria.  I saw my old friend, and, during the first half of the evening, I kept my distance.  Then she was gone, and I was left trying to process an evening that felt inconclusive.

But later, my old friend reappeared, and I started debating what I should do.  I could not simply walk up to her, but I could not just leave.  I wandered around the school cafeteria, telling myself how stupid I was being.

Twice I prepared to leave, only to stop and walk back into the cafeteria.  I found a group of friends standing near my old friend, and joined their conversation.  I was pushing it as much as I dared.

Finally, she saw me.  We looked at each other for a moment, and then she turned and walked away.  I turned away, as well, and started for the door.

So much seemed suddenly clear; cutting me out of her life was not just some social media thing.  It was not a matter of trying to have boundaries. In a setting where she could be friendly with everyone else, she could not be friendly with me.

I still do not know what I did, or why all of this has happened.  But it is clear that little has changed in the last four years.

-----

Update II (August 17, 2017):

I have heard through a mutual friend that my old friend has no hard feelings toward me and that everything is good.  She was grateful that we could both be at the reunion without any awkwardness.  Everything is moving in the right direction.  I am finally at peace.  All is well.