"What Ever Happened to Rooting for Each Other?"

Throughout much of my life I have had a difficult time seeing myself as anything more than plain, shy, quiet and even boring.  Kids can be cruel, and during my first few years in elementary school it seemed that I was quickly labeled as weak and dumb.  I was rather skinny, which led to the nickname the "six million dollar weakling," and I was never much of a student.  This was the beginning of a negative self image that I have spent a lot of years trying to shake off.

In the April 1992 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder Marvin J. Ashton of the Quorum of the Twelve compared the tongue to a sharp sword:

"When King David was pleading for mercy in the fifty-seventh Psalm, he cried: 'My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.'

 "In the world today we are victims of many who use their tongues as sharp swords. The misuse of our tongues seems to add intrigue and destruction as the media and private persons indulge in this pastime. In the vernacular of the day, this destructive activity is called bashing. The dictionary reports that to bash is to strike with a heavy, crushing blow.

"Such a popular behavior is indulged in by far too many who bash a neighbor, a family member, a public servant, a community, a country, a church. It is alarming also how often we find children bashing parents and parents bashing children."

As noted, this talk was given in 1992.  The Internet and social media have only exacerbated the problem.  Later in the talk, Elder Ashton asked what the antidote is for bashing.  The answer is charity, the pure love of Christ.

"Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more.

"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

More recently, Al Fox Carraway, often referred to as the "Tattooed Mormon," wrote that this label resulted from the title of a post she wrote for her blog "In the Head of Al."  In her book More than the Tattooed Mormon she writes that she would rather be known as the "Happy Mormon," because of the joy the gospel of Jesus Christ has given her.  The label fits, for her joy and happiness are infectious.

In another blog post, Al Carraway wrote:

"I just don't understand why it’s so hard to be respectful to people on social media (and in general). I don’t know why it’s so hard to notice and praise people’s efforts, even if those efforts seem small to you. Why are we so quick to point out their wrong doings and even quicker to comment about it publicly on their pages? Why are we so slow to help, uplift, and build up?

"Saying "I'm not judging, but..." IS judging and is SO hurtful and destructive to even the "strongest" of people. Never will there be a single reason that justifies negative towards anyone, especially those you don't know, even if you are “ just saying." Please, think before commenting, and if this is something you struggle with, please help by not commenting at all. The adversary is on all of us enough as it is, let’s not add any more weight to someone’s day and self worth.

"Because truly, the most important thing is that we are trying, especially if we aren’t there yet. Even if there is so much more you can be doing. Because no matter how small of steps you are taking to understand more, do better, and be more are the most important steps you can be taking and they do not go unnoticed by your Father in Heaven."

These thoughts, spoken in a more contemporary way, echoes what Elder Ashton expressed in his April 1992 conference address:

 "None of us need one more person bashing or pointing out where we have failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which we are weak. What each of us does need is family, friends, employers, and brothers and sisters who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us, and who believe we’re trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses. What ever happened to giving each other the benefit of the doubt? What ever happened to hoping that another person would succeed or achieve? What ever happened to rooting for each other? . . .

 "Imagine what could happen in today’s world -- or in our own wards, or families, or priesthood quorums and auxiliaries -- if each of us would vow to cherish, watch over, and comfort one another. Imagine the possibilities! . . .

"If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. . . .

"Let us open our arms to each other, accept each other for who we are, assume everyone is doing the best he or she can, and look for ways to help leave quiet messages of love and encouragement instead of being destructive with bashing."

This is also my hope.  Let us pray that we might be filled with charity. and let us give to others the compassion and understanding that we desire.


Sources:

The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword

I'm Not Judging, But...

Carraway, A. (2015). More than the Tattooed Mormon. Springville, UT: Ceder Fort, Inc.