Friendship and the Cues From Our Senses

When you do a Google search for the meaning of love or friendship, you can be pretty sure something has gone wrong somewhere.  Love and friendship are not mysterious forces that require a lot of study and investigation.  Rather, love and friendship are simple, practical, and down to earth.  As Rabbi Shais Taub put it:

"Our hearts take cues from our senses. Everything we see, hear, taste, touch or smell teaches us about our universe. We don’t need to contemplate or ask questions. Our sensory organs report to our brains, and our brains interpret the data and send the report to our hearts. So, if we see a loving smile, hear loving words, or feel a loving touch, the brain processes this information and concludes, 'Hey, we are being loved right now!' In short, when we are loved, there is tangible proof. It’s not an abstract thought or feeling, it’s concrete and evidenced."

More to the point, love and friendship are actions.  If we love someone, or if we are a friend, then we will act in a certain way.  We act with kindness and compassion, we lift and support those that we care about.

Elder Robert D. Hales, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints defined friendship this way: "Friends are people who make it easier to live the gospel of Jesus Christ."

Sister Elaine S. Dalton expanded on that definition when she wrote, "In this sense, seeking another person’s highest good is the essence of true friendship. It is putting someone else first. It is being strictly honest, loyal, and chaste in every action. Perhaps it is the word commitment that unlocks the real meaning of friendship." She went on to add that "True friends influence those with whom they associate to 'rise a little higher [and] be a little better.'

Perhaps we wonder sometimes what love and friendship really are because, in fact, they are really so simple.  This is the case, certainly, when people we thought were our friends do something, well, unfriendly.

I did not have many friends growing up, but I thought for certain that I did have one friend.  In one of my earliest memories I can recall knocking on the door of the home next to mine and asking to meet the boy who lived there.  Life had not yet taught me to play it safe.  But a few years later I was blindsided on the playground by the boy I thought was my best friend.  I recall running around the school playground with my friend and a few other boys when, to my complete surprise, he turned suddenly to ask "Can't you take a hint?"

It dawned on me that there was a reason I had been the "tail end Charlie" in this unusual game at recess, they were trying to ditch me.  What I didn't understand was why.

A few weeks after that incident on the playground, I stood at the back of the lunch line, listening as another boy told my former best friend about something he did with his family.  I knew then why my friend had dumped me, I was boring.  I did not have any cool stories to tell.

Perhaps surprisingly, when a new boy moved into the neighborhood a few years later, I was still bold enough to knock on his door.  We were friends, but somehow I never really trusted the situation. Or maybe it was just never the same as the friendship I had lost.  Over the years I learned that it was safer to keep to myself, and I began to suppress any instinct to be outgoing.

By my ninth grade year I had become completely shy and reserved.  I did not think that I had any friends, only acquaintances.  It could have been different, however, as there were many who would say "Hi" to me in the halls at school.  But the best I could do was respond with a smile.  I wanted friends so badly, but I told myself that I did not know how to make friends.

It helped to meet knew people in high school the following year.  I found that I could at least respond with more than just a smile when someone said "Hi" to me.  Then, one day, a girl approached me in the foyer during the lunch break.  She was a cheerleader who had recently won an election to be a student body officer, so I knew who she was, which made it all the more surprising that she was talking to me.  It was no less surprising when she approached me again a few days later.  By reaching out to me, this friend gave me a great gift, the confidence to once more be outgoing.

Three months later I started the new school year with a plan.  Instead of waiting for others to say "Hi" to me, I was going to take the initiative and be the first to "Hi" to them.  It seems such a simple thing as I look back on it, but by "small and simple things are great things brought to pass."  This simple thing seemed to unlock the gate to a very different high school experience.  As I took the initiative, other people reached out to me, giving me more people to take the initiative with.  In a matter of weeks my world had changed completely as I found myself part of a large group of friends.

It was wonderful, and yet, I could not fully trust it.  Nor could I fully understand it.  Part of the problem is that, while I could overcome shyness, I could not completely change my quiet personality.  At first I was happy to bask in the light of my new friends, but the day would come when that was no longer enough.  I knew that I needed my friends but I found myself wondering if they needed me.  I had suppressed my instincts so long that I began to question something that did not need to be questioned.

As noted, I had a quiet personality, so I usually said little as I spent time around my friends.  "Around" seemed to be the appropriate word as I felt stuck out on the periphery of the action.  Little by little I began to sink back into shyness.

Because of all those years when I did not have friends, I told myself that I did not have the opportunity to learn important social skills.  Feeling backward, I began to wonder just what friendship really was.  But there were moments when my heart took cues from my senses and I knew that I was accepted and that I really did have friends.

In recent years I have found myself once more asking what friendship is.  I felt blindsided by an old friend who did something I considered to be unfriendly, something that went against everything I thought I had learned about love and friendship.  (Love has many degrees, from the "love of all mankind" at one end to the love you have for your soulmate, your one and only, etc. at the other, and with many degrees in between.)

As the song says, "silence like a cancer grows." A wall was built, and I found myself building other walls. Not knowing the rules, I retired behind my walls, once more shy and reserved.  I went silent and ran deep. I began to question everything, and I did not know where to stop. I knew nothing, I understood nothing.

My heart took cues from my senses; something had gone wrong, very wrong.  My old friend was not who I thought they were.  Because, in the end, the concepts of love and friendship are really very simple.

As Sister Dalton pointed out, "The Savior called His disciples His friends. He said:

“'This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

“'Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

“'Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.

“'Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.'”

Sister Dalton then concluded: "As you live and share the gospel of Jesus Christ, you will attract people to you who will want to be your friend -- not just a contact on a social media site but the kind of friend the Savior exemplified by His words and His example. As you strive to be a friend to others and to let your light shine forth, your influence will bless the lives of many with whom you associate.

"I know that as you focus on being a friend to others, as defined by prophets and the examples in the scriptures, you will be happy and you will be an influence for good in the world and will one day receive the glorious promise mentioned in the scriptures about true friendship: 'That same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory.'”


Sources:

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1577531/jewish/What-Is-Love.htm

https://www.lds.org/youth/article/what-is-a-true-friend?lang=eng

Missionary Prep: Finding People to Teach

No, this is not going to be a discussion on tracting, street contacting, or working with members to get referrals -- though I might point out that while converts can be found from tracting (I found two), getting referrals from members is the way to go as referrals lead to more converts than tracting.  Rather, this post is about finding people to teach mock discussions to, for those doing missionary prep as a DIY project, or whose prep program does not offer the opportunity.  Randy L. Bott, a former mission president, has this suggestion:

"Home teaching is the most often overlooked teaching opportunity.  At least once a month, young men have the opportunity to teach in a situation that parallels the missionary experience more closely than any other.  You and your companion visit a family to teach them the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Remarkable!  But what if your senior companion always teaches the lesson?  Well, why don't you shock him by volunteering to teach the next one?  If he is hesitant (which he won't be), remind him that you are trying to develop your teaching skills for your mission."

You might start off just teaching from the First Presidency message in the Ensign, but ask your companion if you can also teach one, two or even all of the discussions -- this will also give you experience in lesson planning.  "You would be light years ahead of other missionaries," writes Randy Bott, "if you could enter the MTC with the experience of teaching all [five] discussions.  You would know what questions to ask your MTC instructors, and you would know your strengths and weaknesses.  As you teach you will be more motivated to learn the scriptures and doctrines as you discuss sacred things with others."  Young women can have this same opportunity through Visiting teaching, though phone contacting is sometimes permitted if visits are hard to schedule.

Teaching mock discussions will have many benefits.  "Many missionaries," write Bott, "are shy and lack confidence in their ability to teach effectively.  These skills can be strengthened a great deal with a little experience.  Month after month you will see different reactions to different teaching styles.  You will need to adjust your style to meet people's needs rather then expecting others to accommodate your style.  Encourage them to ask questions so you will develop skills in answering.  The moment of truth is when you ask them to evaluate your teaching.  If they are honest, they will have some suggestions in areas where you might improve."

If you feel ready to teach more often than once a month, you might try talking to other families in your ward, at church or on the phone, and asking them if you could teach them a discussion.  This will give you some experience in contacting people and setting appointments.  "These people love you and want you to succeed," writes Bott.  Well, some of them might at least, like your parents.  In any case,  "They will be much more patient than many investigators who haven't developed those feelings of closeness.  Try to change your weaknesses into strengths before you leave."

If you find the idea of teaching your home teaching families, or other families in the ward daunting, perhaps the best place to start is in your own home, during family home evening.  "It is difficult for Mom and Dad to always teach the lesson," writes Bott.  "What a pleasant surprise (more like shock!) if you volunteer to teach regularly.  If you start early enough, you will gain adequate experience in teaching almost all the gospel principles in a friendly setting before being thrust into a sometimes hostile environment.  Do yourself a favor and learn how to teach."

Another teaching opportunity you might seek would be to volunteer to teach a class at church.  Missionaries often have the opportunity to teach investigators who attend church in a gospel principles class during Sunday School.  Missionaries called to serve teaching in a foreign language sometimes teach English classes.  There are still other opportunities for teaching such as "at youth conferences, firesides, and discussion groups."

"Although you may feel afraid or anxious about teaching others," writes Bott, "you should realize that you have something worthwhile to say.  Choose a topic relevant to the audience you are addressing.  Try to get them involved by asking and answering questions and making observations.  You will soon discover how difficult it is to carry the entire load yourself.  When everyone is involved, teaching becomes enjoyable.  Don't ever turn down an opportunity to speak, because preparation forces us to learn.  Also, the challenge of teaching allows us to grow."




Source: Bott, R. L. (1995). Prepare with Honor: Helps for Future Missionaries. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book.

CSJ Week 4: To Be Like Thee!

February 10, 1988

I made it to California okay.  I love my mission president, he is so cool.

Before my group got off the plane, we all switched name tags; I was wearing Elder November's tag and was the first to meet President Douglas.  He called each of us by the names on the tags we were wearing, until he got to a Hispanic elder wearing a tag with name of Juliet on it.

"That can't be right," he said, and then he proceeded to match, from memory, our faces with the pictures we had all mailed to the mission office before we entered the MTC -- "You're elder Juliet, you're Elder November and you must be Elder Cox."  And then he laughed this great and wonderful laugh, and I knew right then that I was going to love my mission president.

From the airport we went to the mission office for a quick tour, then over to the mission home for a nap, lunch, orientation, interviews with President Douglas, more orientation, dinner, a testimony meeting and then a good night's sleep.  After breakfast the next morning, we had some more orientation before meeting our trainers and heading off to our respective areas.

At the testimony meeting, I picked up another new favorite hymn, "With Humble Heart."  I was particularly struck by the end of the second verse and the beginning of the third.

Help me remember, I implore  
Thou gav'st thy life on Calvary,  
That I might live forevermore  
And grow, dear Lord, to be like thee.
 
To be like thee! I lift my eyes,  
From earth below toward heaven above,  
That I may learn from vaulted skies
How I my worthiness can prove.

Too be like the Savior!  To think that as I serve Him here in California that I can grow to be like Him.  Wow!

In any case, we arrived in my first area, bought a bike, some food, some bed sheets, and moved in.  So, I bet you are wondering where I am.  I live in a four-man flat with my trainer, Elder Golf, our district leader Elder Four and his companion Elder Lima.  Elder Golf is from Kingman, Arizona -- my second comp in a row from Arizona -- Elder Four is from Calgary, Canada, and Elder Lima is from, get this, Bountiful!  Grounds and I are on bikes, but the good thing about our area is that it is flat.

So, where am I?  One thing out here that is interesting is that P-day is on Wednesday, which is why it took so long for me to write this letter.

On Saturday we went to a stake baptism and then to a dinner appointment with the family in our ward who the baptism was for.  On Sunday our ward mission leader gave us a ride to church -- the chapel is at the far end of our area -- and his wife invited us to dinner afterward -- she also invited a neighbor to dinner.

My comp was sick on Monday and Tuesday.  I read the entire book of Luke on Tuesday, which was great.

We played basketball this morning, and I didn't do too bad.  Later we did some sightseeing around town.  Even on P-day, when we are out and about town, we have to dress in our suits and ties.

Getting back to last week, on Friday we went tracting.  We didn't get in any doors, but there were a few door approaches where I thought I did a good job.

Elder Golf took the first couple and then it was my turn.  We were on this U-shaped street with several houses on the long side and just two on the short side.  My door came on the last house when the lady of the house answered.  She stuck her head of the window above the door and asked who we were.  She wasn’t interested and so we moved on.  As we were walking around the house to where we had left our bikes we suddenly realized that we had knocked on the back door!

More tracting on Saturday, but this time it was different.  On each of the doors when it was my turn to give the approach, I barely got one word out before the man or woman of the house cut me off.  Still, not one of them slammed the door in our faces; Californians, it seems, are just too polite to do that.

On Monday, we started out on our bikes, but my comp's pace was slower than usual -- I had no trouble keeping up with him that morning, which was definitely unusual.  My comp led us in a short loop that took us right back to the flat.

Oh, by the way, I'm in Palo Alto!  It is a great area.  I'm in the Stanford District, serving in the Palo Alto II ward of the Menlo Park Stake.  Everyone here has got money; we see a lot of BMWs and Mercedes Benzes, even some Italian sports cars.  The highest tithe paying ward is in this stake.

On my first night we drove up onto the Stanford Campus.  On the main entrance road my companion asks me to name the street, which lined on both sides by palm trees.  Unsurprisingly, the name of the street is Palm Avenue.

Well, life is good.  I'll write again soon.  I miss everyone.

CSJ Week 3: "Stay out of Your Comfort Zone"

February 2, 1988

I'm doing my laundry right now; we get a half-day P-day before we take off tomorrow.  The past two days have been full of goodbyes and picture taking.

Saturday was Missionary Day.  During the morning I was a “member” that missionaries would stop by and make a member presentation to.  In the afternoon Elder Flake and I went “tracting.”  We taught a first discussion, made some member presentations, and got rejected at a door.  It was great.  But after teaching that discussion I didn’t have much energy for teaching another one.

The second counselor in our branch presidency said to me on Sunday that there comes a time every now and then when we have to leave our comfort zones.  It is time now for me to leave my comfort zone here.  He also counseled me to always strive to stay out of my comfort zone as a missionary by working hard continually and taking on new challenges.

On Monday we said good bye to the sisters in our district as well as to our afternoon teacher.  On our afternoon walk around the MTC we had a snowball fight, as we often did.  Tuesday morning we went for one last walk with our morning teacher.  Two or three snowballs were thrown, but that was it.  We crossed the street to where there was a good view of the temple and we all took pictures of the group with the temple in the background.  We took a photo of our morning teacher with all of our cameras around his neck as if he was a Japanese tourist.

It was hard to fight back the tears as we said goodbye to our morning teacher today.  It is hard to believe that we could all become friends so quickly, all in just three short weeks.

It is going to be tough leaving here tomorrow, but it is time for me to move on.  I am excited to go; I can't wait to get to San Jose.

We have been doing a lot of hymn singing in the last three weeks, at the beginning and end of every meeting, and I have been collecting some new favorites such as "I Believe in Christ" and "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief."  You need to sing all seven verses of the latter to get the full impact; we did that yesterday morning at the end of our morning class and my heart was full.  Last night, as I lay in bed, I sang all seven verses in my head and I got a little misty when I got to the last two

Today I got a care package from a friend from high school, and it was great to hear from him.  I think I have changed some in the last three weeks, for as I read his note I again got a little misty.  Some things seem to mean so much more now.

I will write again soon from California.  Life is Good!

Don't Ever Stop Partaking

Two different speakers during the Sunday morning session of the April 2016 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints referred to Lehi's dream, which is recorded in 1 Nephi 8 in the Book of Mormon.

In his dream, Lehi followed a man dressed in a white robe through a dark and dreary waste.  "And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies."  After he finished praying he saw a large an spacious field, and it that field there was a tree "whose fruit was desirable to make one happy."

Lehi went and partook of the fruit, "and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted.  Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen."  As he partook of the fruit, Lehi was filled with so much joy he desired that his family should also partake of it.

He looked around him and saw a river of water which passed near the tree, then he saw his wife and his sons Nephi and Sam.  He beckoned to them, and they came and partook of the fruit.  Then he saw his two older sons, Laman and Lemuel and beckoned to them, but they did not come unto the tree and partake.

"And I beheld a rod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river, and led to the tree by which I stood.  And I also beheld a strait and narrow patch, which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood, and it also led by the head of the fountain, unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a world."

In his dream, Lehi saw "numberless concourses of people" following the path to the tree only to wander off and lose their way when a mist of darkness arose.  A second group of people was more fortunate because of the rod of iron next to the path, which the people did cling to as they pressed forward through the darkness.  These people were able to reach the tree and partake of the fruit, but then things went wrong for them; "they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed."  Why did they do this?

In his dream, Lehi saw a "great and spacious building" in which there were people who "were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come . . . and were partaking of the fruit."  The people of the second group then "fell away into forbidden paths and were lost."  They had partaken of the fruit, "which was most desirable of all other fruit", yet they were unable, or unwilling, to "endure to the end."

Lehi then saw a third group which not only reached the tree successfully, but which also did not fall away after partaking of the fruit.  These people had pressed "forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree."  Elder Kevin S. Hamilton of the Seventy said in the October 2013 General Conference that "The rod of iron represented for this group of people the only safety and security that they could find, and they held fast continually; they refused to let go, even for something as simple as a Sunday afternoon ride in the country."

Elder Hamilton then quoted Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve in regard to this third group: "The key phrase in this verse is 'continually holding fast' to the rod of iron. . . .  Perhaps this third group of people consistently read and studied and searched the words of Christ. . . .  This is the group you and I should strive to join."

In the April 2016 General Conference, Bishop W. Christopher Waddell, the second counselor in the Presiding Bishopric, noted two statements about the different groups that had reached the tree.  The second group reached the tree, partook of the fruit, but then cast their eyes about in shame.  Lehi said that "after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost."

The third group had continued to partake of the fruit.  The great multitude which had entered the great and spacious building "did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not."

The second group "had tasted," but the third group "were partaking."  At one point those of the second group had stopped partaking.  Because they had stopped partaking of the fruit, they were vulnerable in way that those who were continuing to partake were not.

After Lehi had finished telling his family about this dream, Nephi desired to know more about what his father had seen.  With faith that the Lord would give him the answers he sought, he sat pondering in his heart.  "I was caught away in the Spirit of the Lord, yea, into an exceedingly high mountain. . . .  And the Spirit said unto me: Behold, what desirest thou?  And I said: I desire to behold the things which my father saw."

In the vision that followed, the Spirit showed unto Nephi the tree and the rod of iron and many other things.  Nephi desired to know the interpretation of the these things.  The iron rod "was the word of God, which led to the fountain of living waters, or to the tree of life."  The tree "is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men: wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things. . . .  Yea, and the most joyous to the soul"

As Elder Bednar suggested, "Perhaps this third group of people consistently read and studied and searched the words of Christ."  They also continued to partake of the love of God.  They never stopped, they never let go of that which is the most joyous to the soul.

How do we partake of the love of God?  In his October 1999 General Conference address, Elder Neal A Maxwell said: "The tree of life . . . is the love of God.  The love of God for his children is most profoundly expressed in His gift of Jesus as our Redeemer.  'God so loved the world that he give his only begotten Son.'  To partake of the love of God is to partake of Jesus' Atonement and the emancipations and joys it can bring."

How to we partake of the Atonement? Through prayer, faith, repentance, baptism and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost -- and by remaining worthy of the Spirit's continued companionship by enduring to the end in righteousness.  We also partake by seeking to know the will of the Lord and then doing it.

As we consistently read, study and search, we should also consistently pray and listen.  When things get difficult, we need to continue reading, studying, searching, praying and listening.  We should never stop.

We should continue to cast our burdens before the Lord, and we should never forget that he is guiding us and helping us.  "Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?  Know ye not that he hath all power?" (Mormon 5:23).  Adversity and the passage of time can weaken our faith, but we must resist these forces.  We must maintain our forward momentum.

Those brief respites from adversity, those seasons of joy, can also bring complacency, and this may be an even greater danger.  Having once tasted of the love of God, we cannot afford to become complacent, or to believe that, having been "saved" that our future is secure.  We must consistently press forward in faith and never stop partaking of the love of God.

"What Ever Happened to Rooting for Each Other?"

Throughout much of my life I have had a difficult time seeing myself as anything more than plain, shy, quiet and even boring.  Kids can be cruel, and during my first few years in elementary school it seemed that I was quickly labeled as weak and dumb.  I was rather skinny, which led to the nickname the "six million dollar weakling," and I was never much of a student.  This was the beginning of a negative self image that I have spent a lot of years trying to shake off.

In the April 1992 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder Marvin J. Ashton of the Quorum of the Twelve compared the tongue to a sharp sword:

"When King David was pleading for mercy in the fifty-seventh Psalm, he cried: 'My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.'

 "In the world today we are victims of many who use their tongues as sharp swords. The misuse of our tongues seems to add intrigue and destruction as the media and private persons indulge in this pastime. In the vernacular of the day, this destructive activity is called bashing. The dictionary reports that to bash is to strike with a heavy, crushing blow.

"Such a popular behavior is indulged in by far too many who bash a neighbor, a family member, a public servant, a community, a country, a church. It is alarming also how often we find children bashing parents and parents bashing children."

As noted, this talk was given in 1992.  The Internet and social media have only exacerbated the problem.  Later in the talk, Elder Ashton asked what the antidote is for bashing.  The answer is charity, the pure love of Christ.

"Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more.

"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

More recently, Al Fox Carraway, often referred to as the "Tattooed Mormon," wrote that this label resulted from the title of a post she wrote for her blog "In the Head of Al."  In her book More than the Tattooed Mormon she writes that she would rather be known as the "Happy Mormon," because of the joy the gospel of Jesus Christ has given her.  The label fits, for her joy and happiness are infectious.

In another blog post, Al Carraway wrote:

"I just don't understand why it’s so hard to be respectful to people on social media (and in general). I don’t know why it’s so hard to notice and praise people’s efforts, even if those efforts seem small to you. Why are we so quick to point out their wrong doings and even quicker to comment about it publicly on their pages? Why are we so slow to help, uplift, and build up?

"Saying "I'm not judging, but..." IS judging and is SO hurtful and destructive to even the "strongest" of people. Never will there be a single reason that justifies negative towards anyone, especially those you don't know, even if you are “ just saying." Please, think before commenting, and if this is something you struggle with, please help by not commenting at all. The adversary is on all of us enough as it is, let’s not add any more weight to someone’s day and self worth.

"Because truly, the most important thing is that we are trying, especially if we aren’t there yet. Even if there is so much more you can be doing. Because no matter how small of steps you are taking to understand more, do better, and be more are the most important steps you can be taking and they do not go unnoticed by your Father in Heaven."

These thoughts, spoken in a more contemporary way, echoes what Elder Ashton expressed in his April 1992 conference address:

 "None of us need one more person bashing or pointing out where we have failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which we are weak. What each of us does need is family, friends, employers, and brothers and sisters who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us, and who believe we’re trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses. What ever happened to giving each other the benefit of the doubt? What ever happened to hoping that another person would succeed or achieve? What ever happened to rooting for each other? . . .

 "Imagine what could happen in today’s world -- or in our own wards, or families, or priesthood quorums and auxiliaries -- if each of us would vow to cherish, watch over, and comfort one another. Imagine the possibilities! . . .

"If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. . . .

"Let us open our arms to each other, accept each other for who we are, assume everyone is doing the best he or she can, and look for ways to help leave quiet messages of love and encouragement instead of being destructive with bashing."

This is also my hope.  Let us pray that we might be filled with charity. and let us give to others the compassion and understanding that we desire.


Sources:

The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword

I'm Not Judging, But...

Carraway, A. (2015). More than the Tattooed Mormon. Springville, UT: Ceder Fort, Inc.