Member Missionaries, Ministers or Culture Warriors?

Nephi, the son of Helaman, was praying on a tower in his garden one day when a crowd gathered. When he was finished with his prayer, he stood and began to preach to the people. As he preached, Nephi prophesied of a conspiracy to kill the chief judge, and messengers were sent to confirm that the political leader had been killed. But then the story takes an interesting turn.

Because Nephi prophesied of the chief judge's murder, he was arrested and accused of being part of the conspiracy. He then prophesied what would happen when the real murderer was confronted, and was eventually set free.

What does Nephi do at that point? He returns to preaching repentance and baptism. Later he prayed that the people would be afflicted by a famine instead of by a war.

We live in a period of time abounding with conspiracy theories, but here we read of a very real conspiracy with political intrigue and murder. Secret combinations have and do exist, nonetheless, I am a skeptic when it comes to conspiracy theories -- most of which are downright ridiculous.

But let's set that aside. Whether we believe in some or all of the conspiracy theories floating around, the real question is what we should do. Even if we don't believe in a conspiracy, we nonetheless find ourselves in a time when political discourse has broken down. We are also, in the United States of America, experiencing another contentious election.

Let us return to the City of Zarahemla for a moment. As noted, after being released from custody, Nephi returned to preaching the gospel. In fact, on his walk home he heard the voice of God:

"Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people.  And thou hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will and to keep my commandments.  And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will" (Helaman 10: 4-5).

We, too, have been commanded to spread the gospel, either as full time missionaries or as member missionaries. We may also have other callings which allow us to participate in furthering the three missions of the Church -- preaching the gospel, perfecting the saints and redeeming the dead. At the very least we may be assigned families to minister to. Following Nephi's example, this is probably where our efforts should be directed.

Marion G. Romney taught in 1944 that "When we pray unto the Father in the name of Jesus for specific personal things, we should feel in the very depths of our souls that we are willing to subject our petitions to the will of our Father in heaven. . . . The time will come when we shall know the will of God before we ask. Then everything for which we pray will be 'expedient.' Everything for which we ask will be 'right.' That will be when as a result of righteous living, we shall so enjoy the companionship of the spirit that he will dictate what we ask" (Conference Report, Oct. 1944, 55-56).

Forty-four years later, Neal A. Maxwell invited us to look at ourselves. "For the Church, the scriptures suggest both an accelerated sifting and accelerated spiritual numerical growth -- with all of this preceding the time when the people of God will be 'armed with righteousness' -- not weapons -- and when the Lord's glory will be poured out upon them. The Lord is determined to have a tried, pure and proven people, and 'there is nothing that the Lord thy God shall take in his heart to do but what he will do it'" (Conference Report, Apr. 1988, 8).

As Joseph Smith put it, “The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; … the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.”

"Some work through political, social, and legal channels to redefine morality," noted Boyd K. Packer in October 2003. "But they never can change the design which has governed human life and happiness from the beginning."

I read a social media post not long ago which quoted Ezra Taft Benson and a book titled None Dare Call it Treason. This particular post suggested that people are afraid to fight out of fear of being judged.

But we are not called by God to fight in the culture wars; rather we are called to preach or spread the gospel, to minister and perfect the saints, and to do family history and temple work to redeem the dead. While we should participate in political processes, which we should do as informed voters, God does not need us to become culture warriors, that is not our mission.

"Church members have a special rendezvous to keep," taught Neal A. Maxwell in 1991. "Nephi [son of Lehi] saw it. One future day, he said, Jesus's covenant people, 'scattered upon all the face of the earth,' will be 'armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory.' This will happen, but only after more members become more saintly and more consecrated in conduct" (Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 43).

When we read or share quotes from President Benson regarding the dangers of Communism, we should remember that he also said, "Only the gospel will save the world from the calamity of its own self-destruction. Only the gospel will unite men of all races and nationalities in peace. Only the gospel will bring joy, happiness, and salvation to the human family."

Politics have always been rough and tumble, prompting Harry S. Truman to suggest that those who cannot handle the heat should get out of the kitchen. Fighting in the cultural wars of the 21st century suggests full on participation in contentious debate; sharing memes (photos with words) and cheap digs. The culture wars are all about bashing.

"This popular behavior is indulged in by far too many who bash a neighbor, a family member, a public servant, a community, a country, a church," said Elder Marvin J. Ashton in April 1992.  "Some think the only way to get even, to get advantage, or to win is to bash people. Often times character and reputation and almost always self-esteem are destroyed under the hammer of this vicious practice. How far adrift we have allowed ourselves to go from the simple proverb 'If you can't say something good about someone or something, don't say anything' to where we now are often involved in the bash business."

Contention and bashing are not compatible with the gospel of Jesus Christ -- which we are called to spread.

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away" (3 Nephi 11: 29-30).

Can we, therefore, spread the gospel and fight the culture wars at the same time? We may be tempted to put some of our principles aside in order to fight for other principles we deem to be of vital urgency. A number of years ago, Jeffrey R. Holland spoke of this idea of setting principle aside, but in the context of a sporting event, where one player was the target of vitriolic abuse pouring from the stands.

"The day after that game," said Elder Holland in 2012, "when there was some public reckoning and a call to repentance over the incident, one young man said, in effect: 'Listen. We are talking about basketball here, not Sunday School. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. We pay good money to see these games. We can act the way we want. We check our religion at the door.'

"'We check our religion at the door'? Lesson number one for the establishment of Zion in the 21st century: You never 'check your religion at the door.' Not ever.

"My young friends, that kind of discipleship cannot be -- it is not discipleship at all. As the prophet Alma has taught the young women of the Church to declare every week in their Young Women theme, we are 'to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in,' not just some of the time, in a few places, or when our team has a big lead."

We cannot set principles aside, or check our religion at the door, in order to participate in the contentious debates and the bashing of the culture wars. We cannot set principle aside, even if only temporarily, and then pick them up in order to spread the gospel. We cannot check our religion at the door on occasion while becoming more saintly and more consecrated in conduct. We cannot be armed with righteousness while using our tongues (keyboards, smart phones, etc.) as swords.

As David A. Bednar taught in 2006, "The Spirit of the Lord usually communicates with us in ways that are quiet, delicate, and subtle. . . . The standard is clear. If something we think, see, hear or do distances us from the Holy Ghost, then we should stop thinking, seeing, hearing, or doing that thing."

Elder Bednar used entertainment as an example. "If that which is intended to entertain . . . alienates us from the Holy Spirit, then certainly that type of entertainment is not for us. Because the spirit cannot abide that which is vulgar, crude, or immodest, then clearly such things are not for us. Because we estrange the Spirit of the Lord when we engage in activities we know we should shun, then such things definitely are not for us" (Conference Report, Apr. 2006, 29-30).

Participating in the contention and bashing of the culture wars can estrange us from the Holy Spirit. Being estranged we will not become more saintly and more consecrated in conduct, and we will not be armed with righteousness.

As I conclude, let me be clear. We are counseled to participate in the political processes of our communities; we are encouraged to be informed and to vote our consciences. But we can do that in ways that will not estrange us from the Holy Ghost. We can contribute positively to discourse; we can do research and create content that influences rather than antagonizes; and we can transcend the bitterness of the culture wars. We can participate in politics in ways that will allow us to get closer to the Holy Spirit and become more saintly, that we may be armed in righteousness as we spread the gospel.

A Well Disguised Blessing?

I have been debating whether to write about this, but if it helps anyone it might be worth it.

In June of 2019, I was offered a promotion at work to the position of trainer. A few weeks later, however, about a week before the promotion was to become effective, the site director/training manager informed me that there was going to be a four week delay to the promotion because they didn't have enough new agents for a full training class. The site director also said that he was committed to me being a trainer because I had earned it.

Four weeks later I approached the site director to get an update, and was told that everything was up in the air, but that a certain number of classes had been decided upon. Four or five weeks later, he said the same thing. A week or two later, the site director left the company -- without saying a single, solitary word to me!

A couple of weeks after that, the new training manager finally got around to telling me that the promotion offer had been withdrawn. He said it was not because of anything I did but because there was not a need for a trainer. Translation: It wasn't personal, it was business; also, they couldn't find enough trainees at the wage they were willing to pay. The thing is, I needed this promotion; I needed the experience, and I needed the increase in salary.

While this was not good news, it was better than being left in the dark, waiting and wondering. From mid-July to late October I was experiencing anxiety that seemed to be growing exponentially each week. I have been dealing with depression for most of my life, and I have certainly experienced anxiety, but nothing on the scale of what I was feeling in the fall of 2019.

I once compared depression to submarine stories that I have read. The boat is sinking, the captain gives the order "blow negative, full rise on the planes," the water is forced from the tanks and replaced by air, and yet the boat continues to sink. Yeah, that's depression.

Depression is not something where you just go cheer yourself up and you're good. It doesn't work that way. You work hard to climb out only to find something at the top that sends you spiraling back down into depression. You have righted your ship, only to be hit by another torpedo.

Frankly, I was also embarrassed. It is quite natural, after getting a promotion, to announce the news to family and friends. Having had the rug pulled out from under me, I didn't have the heart to talk about it for several weeks.

When suffering from depression we might be inclined to avoid people, yet we need someone to say "I love you. I am here for you. How can I help you? I want to understand. You are not a burden. You are not bad. You are not replaceable."

In October my wife hurt her knee; it turned out to be a partial MCL tear. She had surgery just before Thanksgiving. She had to miss six weeks of work, though she returned part time the last two weeks. At a time when I was already feeling broken, more weight was now falling on my shoulders and I was feeling overwhelmed. At a time when leaving that company would be a completely reasonable reaction to what happened with that promotion, I couldn't leave because my wife would be missing work for six weeks. On top of that, I would need to take care of her as she recovered. It was all too much.

So I stayed at my job, and I took care of my wife, and we got through it. But I was an emotional basket case, and still stunned at how things had played out at work. Whether by omission or commission, the effect is the same.

At the same time, I transitioned to working from home. While I had to stay in the short term while taking care of my wife, I wasn't certain that I could stay long term, and now I had to transition to working from home. Thankfully, that transition wasn't too difficult.

When the new training manger finally told me about the offer being withdrawn I asked him what the future looked liked as far as training. He said there was going to be one class, but it was to be by remote training via the internet. He was going to teach that class since he had experience with remote training. My experience was in a classroom setting.

Winter often seems like a time for discontent, and this year it seemed to be more of the same. I felt like an emotional basket case, but back in March I was trying to find a way forward. What happened with the promotion was in the past, and it was past time to leave it there. It was time to get rid of all expectations, to recognize that I did not need anyone's approval.

And then the pandemic arrived. The stress increased with my job as agents still working in brick and mortar offices were sent home and at home agents like me had to pick up the slack. Meanwhile, more people were calling due to the pandemic to get essential over the counter supplies like hand sanitizer, which were not available. My stress and anxiety went through the roof.

Yet, with so many stuck at home, unable to work, and worrying about how they were going to pay the bills, at least I was working and getting paid. Since my wife was working in a care center, her job was considered essential, so both of us were working. At a time like that, such a blessing should not be underappreciated.

While it didn't seem like it at the time, it was a good thing I stayed at this job, and that I transitioned to working from home. Had I done the completely reasonable and understandable thing and left that company to find another job I could very well be out of work right now.

But there is more to my story. On a Friday night in April, my lower back started hurting. I went to bed and suddenly I started shaking and I couldn't stop until I got up to take some ibuprofen. When I woke up I thought I had the flu. I tried to get a lot of rest but I wasn't getting better, and I felt like I couldn't go to the pharmacy to pick up my insulin. That's when things started spiraling. By Wednesday night I was super weak, couldn't eat, and was having trouble breathing. So we called 911.

They sent an ambulance, which took me to the hospital. The diagnosis: Ketoacidosis, which can happen if you miss even a few doses of insulin. Next time I'm sick and need to pick up an prescription, I'll ask someone to go get it for me. I can to be slow at times in asking for help. I think it is also possible that all that stress and anxiety from work at least contributed to my diabetes getting out of control enough that I landed in the hospital for a couple of days.

After an experience like that, you try to have a new lease of life, a new attitude. After two weeks I went back to work and my new attitude didn't survive even the first week. While things had calmed down at work, and I was experiencing less anxiety, my job can still be toxic with angry callers and an oblivious management. Every shift seems like a day spent at the scene of the crime.

I was feeling lost and alone, isolated behind the reef that seems to separate me from my friends. I felt like I didn't even know what friendship was anymore. My ideas of what I wanted friendship to be appeared to be out of touch with the world I live in. I didn't seem to fit in anywhere, to belong anywhere. There are moments even now when I still have those feelings.

In July 1945, when Winston Churchill's party lost an election and his premiership ended, his wife suggested that it could be a blessing in disguise. Winston responded with a quip about the blessing being very well disguised. I think I understand better this concept of a very well disguised blessing.

A friend recently wrote about some of the struggles they have experienced. She asked others why they did not seem to have similar things happening to them and they replied with something to the effect of "they don't allow it." I responded to this by saying I don't know what that phrase means. I can control how I react to the bad things that happen. I can control what I tell myself about what happened. I cannot control what other people do or don't do. Perhaps they are really saying "they don't allow it to control them." She answered by saying that she was learning not to internalize things.

I do not need to internalize, either. I should not internalize. Regarding an old friend that cut me out of her life, what she did says nothing about me.  I sought to make amends. Later I sought to make peace. I did what I could. She made her choice.

What my employer did also says nothing. My employer badly handled the promotion offer and withdrawal. I did nothing wrong.