No One Can Make Us Angry

At the October 2009 General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson quoted Lawrence Douglas Wilder as saying that "Anger does not solve anything; it builds nothing."

President Monson went on to say, "We’ve all felt anger. It can come when things don’t turn out the way we want. It might be a reaction to something which is said of us or to us. We may experience it when people don’t behave the way we want them to behave. Perhaps it comes when we have to wait for something longer than we expected. We might feel angry when others can’t see things from our perspective. There seem to be countless possible reasons for anger."

Finding reasons for anger appears to become a simple matter when participating in or just watching sports.  But the Apostle Paul asked, "Can ye be angry, and not sin? let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26 of the Joseph Smith Translation).  And in eleventh chapter of 3 Nephi we read:

“There shall be no disputations among you. … For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away” (verses 28-30).

President Monson then warned that "To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible."

After relating the story of two men who lived in a one room cabin that had been divided in half by a chalk line, which neither crossed as they passed 62 years without speaking a word to each other, President Monson counseled, "May we make a conscious decision, each time such a decision must be made, to refrain from anger and to leave unsaid the harsh and hurtful things we may be tempted to say."

In recent weeks I have found myself struggling as I have had to wait for longer than expected for a promotion at work to become effective. I have been frustrated and discouraged, but I think I have managed to avoid being angry or bitter. Even so, I can understand the temptation.

In October 2006 general conference, Elder David A. Bednar spoke on a similar subject.

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

"In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation."

Elder Bednar then referenced an example from church history.

"Thomas B. Marsh, the first President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in this dispensation, elected to take offense over an issue as inconsequential as milk strippings (see Deseret News, Apr. 16, 1856, 44). Brigham Young, on the other hand, was severely and publicly rebuked by the Prophet Joseph Smith, but he chose not to take offense (see Truman G. Madsen, “Hugh B. Brown—Youthful Veteran,” New Era, Apr. 1976, 16).

"In many instances, choosing to be offended is a symptom of a much deeper and more serious spiritual malady. Thomas B. Marsh allowed himself to be acted upon, and the eventual results were apostasy and misery. Brigham Young was an agent who exercised his agency and acted in accordance with correct principles, and he became a mighty instrument in the hands of the Lord.

"The Savior is the greatest example of how we should respond to potentially offensive events or situations.

"'And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him, and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men' (1 Nephi 19:9).

"Through the strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, you and I can be blessed to avoid and triumph over offense. 'Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them' (Psalm 119:165)."

Sources:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2009/10/school-thy-feelings-o-my-brother?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng