While on a mission tour in Latin America in 1968, then-Elder Spencer W. Kimball gave a rather stern talk to a group of missionaries. In addition to counseling the missionaries to lock their hearts, Elder Kimball said that at some point missionaries need to speak up when they see other missionaries breaking the rules. "This is not the program," they might say, or "This is my mission, too." There was a time early in my mission when I wish that I had spoken up.
One of the rules of my mission prohibited exercising with free weights, which, it turns out, quite a few missionaries wanted to do. One elder, who hoped to play football at BYU after his mission, wrote to then-head coach Lavell Edwards and asked for a letter that he could show the mission president on the importance of weight training. Coach Edwards wrote back to say that the elder should obey all mission rules, including the one against the use of free weights. I do not know why my mission president instituted this rule when he took over the mission, but, then, I did not need to know.
While I was still in my first area, at least two of my apartment mates were among those elders who didn't like the weightlifting rule. A member, who lived close to our apartment, had a home gym and invited us to use it whenever we wanted. One night, the other three elders decided that they were going to start going to this home gym every night after our 9:30 check in call.
They also decided that I would be the one to make the phone call to the zone leaders to report that we were in for the night – one of our zone leaders was also acting as our district leader at this time. There is a tradition in the U.S. Navy of having the most junior officer in the wardroom do the menial, even dirty, tasks. The other officers will say “Let George do it,” George being the nickname for the junior officer. Well, in this case at least, I was George.
So, I made the call and then we all went over to the member’s home gym. I went only because I could not be at the apartment alone -- well, maybe I could have, except that my older RM brother had advised me, just before I got on the airplane, to never leave my companion. Unbeknownst to us, while we were out the zone leaders had called back, and when we got back to the apartment they were there waiting for us. While I believed I was in a position where I had had little choice, I still had to admit to the zone leaders that I had lied.
Did I have a choice? Well, of course, we always have a choice. My problem was that, for several reasons, I did not have much confidence. I was allowing myself to feel intimidated by other elders just because they had been out longer than I had been. I had a rough time with my MTC companion, and when I got to my first area was in a mood to be more cautious, so I became even more introverted, which caused problems with my trainer. When my third companion and our two flat mates wanted to go to the home gym after we were supposed to be in for the night, I believed there was nothing I could do to stop them.
Not long after this I had a conversation with one of my zone leaders, I think he knew that things had not been going well for me. I told him how I felt, that I was discouraged and had a confidence problem. I said that I had come into the mission field with an inferiority complex because I had grown up with heavy persecution in school, in the neighborhood, and even at home. I said that I didn’t know who I was. My zone leader told me that he, too, had faced a lot of persecution, and that everyone comes out not knowing who they are. He said the best thing I could do is share my feelings with others, particularly my companion. He said that I would learn more just talking about myself with them.
We then went out into the living room to join my companion and the other zone leader, and I told them what I had just told the first zone leader. The three elders made some comments, presented some good ideas, and even paid me some compliments.
Two weeks later we had a zone conference, and during the afternoon testimony session, I got up to speak. I started by reading 1 Nephi 3:7, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”
Then I turned to Helaman 10:4-5, “Blessed art thou, Nephi, for those things which thou hast done; for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou has not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will, and to keep my commandments. And now, because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold, I will bless thee forever; and I will make thee mighty in word and in deed, in faith and in works; yea, even that all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.”
I then said that I had committed with myself, before coming out, to live the mission rules. In the MTC that had been easy, but when I got out in the mission field I was timid of what others might think, so I had not been diligent in keeping my commitment and I considered that to be a transgression. I blamed myself for the lack of anything going on in the area I was assigned to. I apologized to the mission president and then committed with him to live the mission rules. I said that it did not matter to me what others thought because I knew that I would be blessed in the long run.
Nonetheless, I was worried that some of the missionaries might think I was brown-nosing. Instead, most of the elders told me that saying what I did required guts. My flat-mates said I did a good job, and the mission president thanked me and said that he knew I would hang in there.
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Here is a link to the full text of Spencer W. Kimball's talk, "Lock Your Heart":
http://laytreasuresinheaven.com/lock-your-heart-spencer-w-kimball/
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