CSJ Weeks 7 & 8: "It Gets Better or Worse" & "Conflict"

March 2, 1988

We just had a slow week.  My comp was feeling sick and it rained a lot.  It's too dangerous to ride our bikes when it rains, that's what my comp tells me.  We got out on Saturday morning to deliver thank you notes and do some follow up on some contacts.  We dropped off a pamphlet to a lady who had inquired about our family home evening program.

On Sunday, we had a DA at the Branson's.  They made us earn our food by telling them our most spiritual experiences on our mission.  They excluded MTC experiences so, having been out here just a few weeks, I had few experiences to choose from.  The best I could come up with was how strong the spirit was the other day as I was reading Helaman chapter 5 -- I don't think they were impressed.

At church, the bishop's son had his homecoming -- he just got back from the New York, New York City Mission.  In Gospel Essentials class I taught the lesson because the regular teacher was out of town.  I literally tore apart Ephesians chapter 6 about the armor of God.  The ward mission leader said I did a good job.

On Monday, my comp was sick.  On Tuesday, my comp was sick.  He's had a cold for about a month and a half now.  On Tuesday morning we gave him a blessing -- hm, that's the second comp in row who has needed a blessing.  Maybe its the curse of being my companion -- ha, ha.

This morning, Elder Fox and I went over the bridge and down Newell to the library, while my comp and Elder Lima went to get haircuts.  At the library I, of course, went looking for the World War II history books -- and I found a gold mine of books!  Seriously, this library puts the Bountiful library to shame.  We ended up spending three hours at the library, and I had a blast looking at some books I have been searching years for.  I'll probably never find those books in Utah.

I just wrote a letter to a friend who should have gotten his call by now.  Basically, I told him that a mission is challenge after challenge and trial after trial.  By overcoming these challenges and trials, and using them as stepping stones, we grow and return two years later as men.

I wrote my friend about something my present companion told me about -- a friend of his who left the MTC after only one week.  Another friend, who had come home from his mission after just one year, told this guy that if he didn't like his first week to go home because it doesn't get any better.  My reaction was to recall something Geoff said many times in missionary prep: "It gets better or worse depending on your attitude."

Trials will come, that is what a mission is.  I wrote my friend: "If you went home early, think of all the people you would let down: your parents, your brothers who have served successful missions, your friends, your friends who are presently serving or are preparing to serve, your ancestors, Jesus Christ, your Father in heaven, and many others."

More than a few times, when it has been tough out here, I have had thoughts about going home early, but then I said: "How could I ever look dad and Geoff in the eye."  There is no way.  Then I read Alma chapter 38.  Alma the younger was counseling his son Shiblon.  In verses 3-5 we read that Shiblon was bound and even stoned while he was serving his mission to the Zoramites.  Shiblon overcame his trials, bearing them with patience, and was greatly blessed as a result.

I told my friend about the trials I had with my MTC comp.  "But I learned from that," I wrote.  I told him about the the trials I have faced with my present comp.  "But I am learning from it."

I am sure that my friend didn't need to read all of this; I am sure that he knew it already.  But how true it all is, and this way, no one will lead him astray.  Not that there is any chance of that happening.

One of my zone leaders told me that if we look back and work hard, the time will fly, but if we look ahead, working sort of hard, counting the days, the time will only crawl by.  If we work hard, looking back, amazed at how fast our mission is going, by the end of two years we won't want to go home.  That is a successful mission.

Well, life is great!  All smiles!  Truth will prevail.

--

March 9, 1988

It has been an interesting week.  On Thursday at our district meeting our zone leaders said we were filing out our presidents letters incorrectly.  This led to some contention between my comp and one of the zone leaders.  On Friday we called the office about an unrelated subject, but while on the line we asked the finance clerk about the letters.  The way the finance clerk explained it, my comp thought he was vindicated, but he apparently misunderstood.  Thinking "we" were right, "we" called the zonies and left a message on their answering machine.

The zone leaders called the mission office secretary, who happened to be the one who designed the letters, and he said the zone leaders were right. The zonies then called us to pass the word; while one of the zone leaders talked with our district leader, my comp got a little bit obnoxious, and was loud enough that the zonie must have heard him. The finance clerk subsequently called me on another matter -- a question on my rent check.  Before giving me the phone, my comp said that the secretary disagreed with what the finance clerk had told us.  Ten minutes after talking to me, the finance clerk called back to say that my comp had misunderstood and that the zone leaders were correct.

I have to say that I was turned off by my comp's attitude.  He was mad at the zone leader for not admitting that he was wrong, but how can you admit that you are wrong when you are not?  Maybe it doesn't help that I like the zonie, I think he is a cool guy.  Well, with the controversy settled, things calmed down a bit.

Just in time from another controversy.  On Sunday, the ward boundaries were changed and a new ward was formed.  In the process, we lost a part of our area and two investigators to the Palo Alto First Ward.  We weren't the only ones to lose investigators, everybody was affected, and this led to some more contention in the district.

The Elders in the Menlo Park First Ward have three baptisms scheduled, but they are now in the Menlo Park Third Ward.  The senior comp in that ward is a bit of a go-getter -- his brother was an A.P. on his mission and he has this idea that he will be a failure unless he also makes A.P.  Naturally, he is more than a little concerned with numbers and he is lobbying to stay in the MP 1st.  My comp, and the district leader and his comp in fact, are pretty mad at this, but I could care less.  Rather, I am bothered by all of the contention.

I have to go back to Thursday, when my comp and I had an apartment inventory with the district leader and his comp.  I raised the issue of my quiet personality and asked if it was a problem.  My comp immediately laid into me, ripping me from one side to the other.  The first thing he said was that if I didn't talk to the members, and if I am quiet, they will think that I am not excited about the gospel and don't want to teach, and they won't want me to teach their friends.  What a load of rubbish.

Next, my comp said that if I don't love myself that I am sinning.  I don't understand what that has to do with anything, my personality is what it is, it doesn't mean that I don't love myself.  Though I do have to admit that I have often struggled with doubts about myself.

When almost everyone you know, it seems, treats you like trash, your self esteem can be so low as to make it rather easy to hate yourself, and I have done far worse than that.  [There were a few occasions when I thought that God hated me, and I considered that to be worse.]  When your self esteem is that low, you're not in the proper frame of mind, and I think the Lord takes that into account.

My comp went on to say that you have got to think you are the greatest person in the world.  While it is important to love yourself, and perhaps even have some pride in yourself, I think he was taking it a bit too far.  To think that we are the greatest person in the world would seem to be getting into the area of false pride.  Now, maybe I'm taking what he said the wrong way, we do need to think that we are great, but not the greatest person in the world.

I don't mean to say anything bad about my comp.  Since the apartment inventory, things have been much better, and we seem to be communicating better.  In response I kept stressing that I could only do the best that I could, that they should not expect too much from me because I can't give more than I am able to.

We did some tracting on Saturday and did find another contact.

We are working with the ward mission leader on a better way to work through the members and to get them more excited about missionary work.  We have been stressing 1 Nephi 7:4 (Nephi and his brother gained favor in the sight of Ishmael) and are working on a five step plan.  We have member progress sheets and everything.  We would like to set up a member missionary class, but the bishop said that there are too many Sunday School classes as it is.

Well, that's basically it.  Life is good.

Love
Douglas

--

Several months after this letter, President Ezra Taft Benson gave his well known conference talk, "Beware of Pride." (see: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng)  I believe it was one of the last talks was gave at a general conference.  Whether this talk had anything to do with subsequent events, I do not know, but at Christmas time that year I got a card from my trainer expressing thanks for what he had learned while we were together, and then at the Christmas conference of the mission, he and his comp sat at lunch with my comp and I.  We became friends and have remained so.

President Benson warned that "Pride is the universal sin, the great vice. Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice."  He then said that "The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness.  It is the broken heart and contrite spirit."  He then quoted the poet, Rudyard Kipling: 

The tumult and the shouting dies;

The captains and the kings depart.
Still stands thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart. 
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget, lest we forget.