Each Christmas Eve, the California San Jose Mission had a mission wide Christmas Conference -- every missionary in the mission gathered at Cherry Chapel, the LDS meetinghouse on Cherry Avenue in San Jose. Each zone would perform a skit or a musical number. The Christmas Conference in 1988, when I had been out about a year, was my first.
My zone sang Far, Far Away on Judea’s Plains and I Stand All Amazed in Spanish. The zone leaders of the Eastside San Jose Zone were Span Ams (Spanish speaking elders) and according to at least one of them, I Stand All Amazed is tons better in Spanish.
After the performances of each zone, we broke for lunch. My trainer, and an elder who was with us in my first apartment, came and sat with me and my current companion. My trainer and I had not gotten along very well when we were together, but a few weeks before Christmas he sent me a card in which he thanked me for what he learned from our time together. That Christmas Eve, over lunch, we had a nice conversation; I could not get over how friendly he was being. Meanwhile, as part of reaching for a goal I had set to become more outgoing, I tried to take advantage of the opportunity to make conversation.
After lunch we had a surprise speaker, President Howard W. Hunter, who had some family in the area. President Hunter had an informal, friendly chat with us about some of the neat things that are going on in the church. For example, while the church did not have official recognition in Myanmar (formerly known as Burma), some citizens in that country had found a priesthood leadership manual and some other church materials and wanted to organize a branch inside the country. Because the church was not recognized by the government, they could not baptize these people or organize a branch, but the church was looking for ways to help these individuals without breaking the laws of Myanmar.
After his remarks, those of us who wished to, lined up to shake his hand. When I shook his hand I had the feeling that he would be the next president of the church. At the time, President Hunter was in a wheelchair due to some health issues he was experiencing; at recent General Conferences he gave his addresses while sitting down. Some of my fellow missionaries were not sure when I told them of the impression I had received. Nonetheless, a few years after I came home from my mission, President Hunter did become president of the church. While he was the president only a short time, his example and teachings were endearing to many. President Hunter would pass away not long after the dedication of a temple in my hometown, Bountiful, Utah.
The Christmas Conference was an opportunity to talk to missionaries I had not seen in awhile, from old companions and apartment mates, to some elders who were with me in the MTC.
After the conference, my companion and I went to a dinner appointment with a family in the ward we were assigned to. After dinner we played Pictionary with the two older daughters who slaughtered us -- seriously, it was not pretty.
The next morning, Sunday and Christmas Day, we went to a combined Sacrament Meeting for three wards. After the meeting we stopped by the home of the ward mission leader and watched his family open their presents; they found a few candy bars to give to us as presents.
Then it was off to lunch with another member family. After eating we played another game, Whatzit, where you try to guess names or phrases from jumbled up images. I had a difficult time with this game because it helps to talk it out as you try to guess, and I'm just not that verbal. Otherwise, a fun time was had by all.
After dinner that night, with yet another member family, we stopped by the bishop's home on our way back to our apartment.
At some point that day we opened the packages of presents our parents sent us. My parents gave me a mini-quad and a slide viewer, so I could look at the photos I have been taking out here, which I had been getting developed as slides. Also, they gave me four short-sleeved white shirts; I was fortunate my first summer to be on the coast in Seaside, where the breeze of the ocean allowed me to get by with long-sleeved white shirts. I was certain that the next summer I would be somewhere in San Jose, where it would be hot and humid.
All in all, it was a good Christmas.
June 8, 1988
We had a teaching appointment scheduled with Trudy for Thursday morning, but when we arrived she wasn't there. Her daughter informed us that Trudy had had a stroke and was in the hospital up in Salinas. We got some directions and the room number and then left.
We went tracting, got in one door and met this really nice lady. She is a Jehovah’s Witness and as we were teaching she basically took over. But unlike the J-dubs I have met before, she didn’t bash, she was just so happy that she could not contain it. Also unlike other J-dubs, she used love and sincerity as she taught us. Her message sounded good, too. I was tempted a few times to bash, but fought the urge. This experience was so unlike the one with those J-dubs in Menlo Park and it has filled me with some doubts. While things are starting off better here in Seaside, I am still awfully discouraged. If I am blessed to have the truth, how can I be so miserable while this J-dub lady is so happy?
It was naivety on my part in wondering how this lady we had tracted into could be so happy if she did not have the truth, and how I could be so miserable if I did have the truth. I have since come to learn that God accepts all sincere expressions of faith. While other churches might not have all truth, they do have some truth, and if that is enough to make people happy, who am I to argue. As a missionary, I only sought to add to the truths that others had.
After lunch we drove up to Salinas to visit Trudy in the hospital. I do not know the details, but apparently she has been under a lot of stress and this led to her having a stroke on Tuesday. We gave her a priesthood blessing, in which I did the anointing; then we went to the gift shop and bought her some gum and Life Savers.
On the way home we stopped at the Baker’s, a member family, and talked with them for awhile. After that we came back to the flat to check and see if we had team-ups, which we did not. The Baker’s had a son playing in a baseball game this evening and we went and watched. After the game we went to the Baker’s home to chat some more. Eventually it was time to come home and go to bed.
That night I was feeling a bit disillusioned. For two years I have been operating on the belief that I knew the Church was true. I recall praying one night to ask if it was true and I am not sure that I really felt anything. I thought that I felt good and took that as an answer. Who knows, but maybe my faith and sincerity were not sufficient. At the same time, however, I did feel that my faith had been increasing as I was reading the Book of Mormon for the first time. In any case I was left that night with a desire to know, to really know, if the Church is true.
Before going to bad, I re-read Moroni's Promise, then I turned out the light and got down on my knees. I started with just a normal prayer, but then I stopped and tried to say what was in my heart. I found it difficult at first, but at length the words did come. I talked about my confusion and told my Heavenly Father of my desire to know if the Church is true. Then I asked if the Church was true, and I felt nothing. I cannot say that I really felt anything at all. I again explained my desire and the reasons behind it before asking a second time. “Father, I ask thee in the name of Jesus Christ is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth?” Again, I felt nothing.
Now I began to plead. “Father please,” I said, “I need to know.” Then I said that I perhaps needed an answer a bit more clear than others might. I asked a third time, and again I felt nothing. The tears welled in my eyes as I thought the answer to be no. Oh, how much I prayed that the Church was true. I wanted it to be so very much and I told my Heavenly Father so. The tears began to flow and for several minutes, or so it seemed, I could only cry. Then thoughts began to flood my mind that I had wasted four and a half months here in California; that I had wasted the last 19 years. Not knowing what to do I closed my prayer asking for knowledge and then crawled into bed.
The tears continued to flow and I wondered what it is that I should do, for I thought that I was serving a false church. How could I continue to do so for another eighteen months or so until it was time to go home? I cried and I cried. “Why couldn’t it be true?” But there was something in me that fought back saying, “No, Elder Cox, the Church is true, you know it is!” I guess that it was the desire of wanting the Church to be true. It must have been my love of the gospel and its message. The tears continued to flow. “Oh, why couldn’t it be true?”
Then something whispered to me, “Elder Cox, ask again.” My desire that the Church be true won out. I looked to heaven and my heart cried out, “Is the Church true Father, it is true?” Then it happened, my feelings of pain and sorrow fled and a new feeling of peace entered my heart. It was a warm feeling, and it was as if someone had lit a match in a dark room. The feeling comforted my aching heart; all tears and sorrow melted away. That small feeling brought such great joy to me and all my burdens disappeared. My heart cried, “It is true, it is true! Thank you Father, thank you for answering my prayer.”
I think that maybe the Lord wanted to test my sincerity and faith. The Lord did answer my prayers, but it was not an immediate answer. I asked Him four times if the Church was true, and it was only after the fourth time that I received my answer, and only, I think, because I expressed such a sincere desire that the Church be true. I think that sometimes we expect answers to be immediate, and they do not always come so quickly. Sometimes it takes a while, as well as great sincerity and faith.
I know that the Church is true; that The Book of Mormon is the word of God; that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God; and that President Ezra Taft Benson is the Lord’s prophet today. This does not eliminate the need for faith, for I do not have a perfect knowledge of all things. But these things I know, because I received a witness by the power of the Holy Ghost in answer to my prayer.
So, that was Thursday, June 2, 1988. On Friday, June 3, we had a breakfast appointment with the Bakers. After that we came back to the flat so I could do some laundry. In the laundry room I met a lady who expressed some interest in the church. She said that she wanted to attend our church this Sunday, so I gave her a pamphlet with the address and meeting times, along with a copy of the Book of Mormon.
In the afternoon, I went with Elder Tango up to Marina -- on the other side of Fort Ord -- to visit a few contacts and members. In the evening, Elders Spandau and Victor left saying they were going to get some fast food. Instead, they went to the grocery story, where they ran into a member who invited them home for dinner. They were gone for three hours.
We didn't get much work done on Saturday or Monday. On Saturday we attended a youth baptism and then went to the member's home in Marina for dinner. On Monday we drove out to Carmel Valley to visit an outlet store for Robert Talbot silk ties, only to find, ironically, that the store is closed on Mondays.
I spent Tuesday in Salinas with Elder Juliett, whose comp went with Elder Tango to the monthly leadership meeting up in San Jose, so I got to spend the day with a friend from the MTC. We went tracting in the morning, got in one door and had an hour long teach with an old lady who is too set in her ways. By chance, we had a referral on the same street – okay, maybe it wasn’t a coincidence. Anyway, we checked on the referral and they asked us to come back at 5:00 p.m. After a few more doors we went to see a contact to teach a first discussion, but we got dogged. We tried to cheer ourselves up by eating pizza for lunch. After eating we taught a third discussion to an investigator, with whom we almost got to set a baptismal date.
After the teaching appointment we went back and finished the street we had started this morning. Once we finished the street we went to teach the first discussion to the referral we had contacted earlier. As it turns out, they have a grandson going on a mission soon and just wanted to know what he would be doing. From there we were off to another teaching appointment; unfortunately it turned out to be a bad time for the investigator. It was a good day.
Today we had a Zone activity up near Santa Cruz at Sea Cliff State Beach. At the beach is this old ship sunk at the end of a pier. As it happens, the ship was built during World War I . . . out of concrete.
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June 15, 1988
We tracted on Thursday, on a street that seemed to go on for forever and a day, and placed a copy of the Book of Mormon. In the afternoon, we also checked on a referral. In the evening we had a dinner appointment that turned out to be a take out meal. The sister who invited us cooked the food and we brought it back to our apartment to eat.
We drove out to Salinas on Friday, to see Trudy in the hospital. We were hoping to teach her the second discussion but , unfortunately, she had had another stroke during surgery yesterday and was not well enough for a discussion. After returning to Seaside we checked on a number of referrals without any success at all, no one was home.
In the afternoon we stopped by to see Brother “Bud” Bartlett. Bud is a stake missionary who lives in a shack behind his daughter’s home just over the city boundary in Monterey. Bud also has something like Parkinson’s Disease and is losing motor function and coordination. His wife left him because she couldn’t handle his medical situation. Bud is also the friendliest and most positive member of the church that I have met so far.
On Saturday, we attended a wedding at the stake center. The happy couple, upon hearing that I was a yearbook photographer in high school, asked me to take the wedding photos with their camera. In the evening, we had a dinner appointment with the Bakers. We seem to be spending a lot of time with the Bakers lately because they have a foosball table.
On Sunday, we had a dinner appointment after church, out in Carmel Valley. In the evening we had another dinner appointment with the Bakers, followed by more foosball. Alas, it was all for the last time, as the Bakers are moving to L.A. as the father got a new construction job down there.
Monday marked five months since I entered the MTC. We went tracting in the morning and Elder Spandau tried out a new approach, pretending that we were taking a survey about the church. In the afternoon, Brother Miller, a stake missionary, drove us out to Salinas to visit Trudy in the hospital. This time we were able to teach her the second discussion. We also set a date for baptism, June 26, and it should go through if her health cooperates.
Let me give you an idea of how platinum this investigator is. Out here we see a lot of bumper stickers on members’ cars with an image of the Moroni statue with the letters LDS underneath. Trudy already has such a sticker on her car. She has made three promises to the Lord if she gets out of the hospital: 1. she will take care of her daughter’s son, 2. she will take care of the older lady she is living with and, 3. she will be baptized.
On Tuesday, we took a copy of the Book of Mormon to Brother Bartlett. We helped him bring in some groceries and chatted with him for a while. He used to be a California Highway Patrolman and spent much of his career in Palo Alto and Modesto. Bud is a huge classical music fan, but he does not like anything by Mozart.
This morning we went out to Pacific Grove for some sight seeing.
In addition to spending a lot of time with the Bakers lately, and playing foosball, there is something else Spandau and I have been doing too much of. There is another member family that we have been visiting, and we have been watching television. I am not at all happy about it, but its something my companion keeps wanting to do.
May 25, 1988
I have been transferred, but first let me tell you about my last week in Palo Alto.
Our teaching appointment with Leslie on Thursday came through. We practically flew down to her place but she showed up a little late. When we knocked on the door, her daughter answered and told us that her mother was at her new store in Redwood city. Thinking we got dogged and feeling dejected, we crossed the street, sat in some shade and decided to wait. Maybe we could still get lucky. Then, just as we were about to give up, Leslie drove up.
I taught the first two principles and the steps of prayer. It went really well and she was very open with her concerns. It turns out that Leslie has a degree in anthropology and she has a concern with how the seed of Lehi got here, or that the American Indians are 100% direct descendants from Lehi. She says it does not fit with what she knows. Because of that Elder Milo figures it would take three months to get her into the water.
As we started for home after the teaching appointment, Milo got a flat tire. So we enjoyed a ninety minute walk home. The teaching appointment was really the highlight of the week. At one point, we were turning to a scripture in the New Testament we wanted her to read and I gave the page number as found in the LDS edition of the King James Version. It turns out that the LDS edition numbers pages differently, "There's no such page!" Leslie said. They didn't teach us that in prep, ha ha.
On Friday morning, Milo and the other elders going home, went to the temple in Oakland. They then spent the rest of the day across the bay in San Fransisco. I spent the day with Elders Lake and Able. Milo did not get back until midnight.
On Saturday, the Menlo Park Stake held a heritage fair. The zone had a booth with many foreign language copies of the Book of Mormon on display and we spent most of the day there. At one point, Elder Milo had a disagreement with Elder Baker and my companion told the zone leader to look him in the eye and tell him if he could see even an ounce of concern. Wow. As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, Milo does not appear to be intimidated by anyone or anything.
On Monday, I followed Elder Able in the First Ward elders' car while he ran up to the Stanford Clinic for his radiation appointment.
Transfer calls came out at noon on Tuesday. The call said I was being transferred to Carmel, down by Monterey; in actuality, I have been transferred to the Carmel Ward, but am in a town called Seaside.
Elder Milo left Tuesday afternoon to spend his last night in the mission home before flying back to Louisiana. I spent part of the evening with Elders Whopper and November and went to a dinner appointment with them at a mansion in Menlo Park. The mansion belonged to the owner of the Mervyn's department store chain; his housekeeper happens to be a member of the church. Mr. Mervyn was out of town, and the housekeeper gave us a tour.
I finished packing this morning and Lake and Able drove me up to meet the transfer van at Edgewood chapel. Once aboard, the van headed south. At one stop Elder Golf got aboard. He is going to the mission office to become the new mission secretary and be companions with Elder Lima, the financial secretary. We talked a little and I even helped him with his luggage. I do not know about him, but I had no hard feelings.
There were several stops before the van arrived in Salinas, and that is where I met my new companion, Elder Spandau from Hope, Indiana. He has a cast on his left leg because he tore some ligaments while jogging recently. Because of the cast we have a car.
Also transferred in as the new district leader was Elder Tango, who trained Elder Lake. His companion is Elder Victor. We drove over to the coast and our apartment here in Seaside. How ironic is that? In that sub-line transfer joke they played on me in Palo Alto, they said I was going to be transferred to Seaside Apartment. After Tango and I got settled in, the two of us went to Wendy’s for some dinner.
I am excited about this new area and it is great to have a fresh start. Even so, it was not easy leaving Palo Alto. I left behind a lot of members and contacts that I had grown to love. I left behind the coolest ward mission leader, a great bishop, and some great members, that was not easy. But I figure I will be able to settle in here in just a few days.
As the name suggests, this town is by the sea, with Monterey Bay to the west, Monterey to the south, and Fort Ord to the north. The town itself seems to lie on a series of sand dunes as many of the north-south streets rise and fall along the hills. This place is the opposite of Palo Alto, which was almost entirely flat; there are also significantly fewer trees as compared to my last area.
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June 1, 1988
We got right to work on Thursday and did some tracting; then we checked on some referrals. We were able to set up a teaching appointment with one referral for Friday night. Interesting fact, the contact lives in the same apartment complex that we do.
Friday was an eventful day. We went tracting in the morning; our ward mission leader treated us to lunch at Wendy's; we delivered a copy of the Book of Mormon to a ward member who has a friend they want to give it to. At one point today we had the chance to drive by the beach and we saw a U.S. Navy destroyer and nuclear attack submarine in Monterey Bay -- too cool for words!
At 6:30 we went to our teaching appointment; his name is Charles and he had a friend of his join us. The both of them were prepared for our visit with a few concerns, and we ended up talking for two and a half hours! Here is a list of their questions:
1. In the book Doctrines and Salvations, it says that the Book of Mormon contains the fullness of the gospel, yet there is no mention of Baptism for the dead or celestial marriage -- no mention in the Bible, either, of course. I was able to point out that baptism for the dead is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 15:29. Also, celestial marriage could be inferred by 1 Corinthians 11:11, but Charles said that would be taking the verse out of context and, in any case, there is Matthew 22:30.
2. Moroni 8:18 says that God is not partial, neither changeable, being an unchangeable being from all eternity to all eternity; yet Joseph Smith in the King Follett discourse stated that God is an exalted man. Charles stumped both of us with that one, so we promised that we would study up on it.
3. Certain prophesies of Joseph Smith have not come to pass in the time frame prophesied. Specifically, Joseph prophesied that he would dedicate the temple in Independence or Far West "with his own hands." Additionally, they claimed, Joseph made some false statements refuting (contradicting) the "Word" (Bible). Deuteronomy states that false prophets will come and if they say something that is not "in the Word" they must needs be destroyed and Joseph was, of course, assassinated.
We did our best to answer their concerns, and promised to do some research on their concerns. I bore my testimony and read Moroni's promise and said that everything depended on whether the Book of Mormon was true or not. We then closed with a prayer, which was another interesting thing as Charles asked if all four of us could pray at the same time. Elder Spandau's and mine were rather short compared to theirs -- I thought they were repetitious at times. Also, I thought I heard Tim, Charles' friend, pray in a second language here and there. Both Charles and Tim are in the Air Force and are currently students at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey.
Alas, our day was not yet done. Later, as we were preparing for bed, we got a phone call from a ward member; someone at their home was in need of a priesthood blessing. We quickly got dressed and headed over. There we met a fellow who had been driving from San Diego to San Fransisco, he was on his way to the VA hospital in the City by the Bay. He started to experience a pinched nerve in his back and he had almost no strength in in right arm. He could travel no further, but fortunately he had some friends here in Seaside, so he got off Highway One to get some help.
After talking for a minute or two, the gentleman asked me to give him the blessing, which would be a first for me. I just blessed him that he would be able to continue his travels in the morning and that he would arrive safely in San Fransisco. I didn't know what to expect as I tried to listen for the guidance of the Spirit, and nothing really popped into my head; I just figured that blessing him with the health to continue his drive was reasonable and so I went with it.
On Saturday morning, we went to the library at the stake center to do some research on the concerns raised the night before by Charles and Tim. I read the King Follett discourse and, I have to say, was rather impressed by it. Here are the answers we came up with:
1. Mormon Doctrine states that what is meant by the fullness of the gospel is what the Nephites had and needed.
2. In the footnotes to Moroni 8:18, we see that God is unchangeable in his perfectness. John 5:19 states that the Son can do nothing but what he seeth the Father do. In his discourse, an address given at the funeral of King Follett, Joseph Smith states that the Father is an exalted man, that he did what Jesus did, suggesting that He was the savior of a world or worlds before the creation of our universe.
3. Elder B. H. Roberts stated that Joseph Smith reached his height as a teacher in the King Follett discourse, which was given in April 1844. The work given by God to Joseph Smith was largely complete, and there was only one thing left for him to do: seal his testimony with his blood, and he did so three months later at Carthage. Such is not the life of a fallen prophet. It might also be pointed out that, throughout the Bible, prophets are rejected and killed by the people, and their deaths did not make them false prophets.
4. Regarding unfulfilled prophesies, Elder Tango, our district leader, pointed out that Joseph Smith could still dedicate a temple with resurrected hands.
It is a good thing we spent the day doing research, because that night, Charles stopped by our apartment. We invited him in and had another long chat. We presented the four answers listed above, then I kind of took over -- I had a lot to say. Charles tried to interject, but I asked him to allow me continue without interruption. I taught him the Joseph Smith story and talked about the apostasy and restoration. I even talked about the Plan of Salvation as found in the fourth discussion. I then bore my testimony, expressing my gratitude for the plan and for my Savior. I also explained some of the sacrifices involved in serving a full time mission.
I then challenged Charles to read Alma 32 in the copy of the Book of Mormon that we had given him, and to pray about the book and the things we had discussed. Then we closed with a prayer, and this time only I said it. As I said, I just took over, and at one point my companion decided he could leave the room! -- yeah, I don't recommend that.
We went to our meetings in the Carmel Ward on Sunday morning. In the afternoon, at Charles' invitation, we attended services at the church he regularly attends. For the first hour or so I thought I was at a concert rather than at church as the congregation stood and sang along with some Christian music on the audio system.
We had another teaching appointment on Monday night, this time with Trudy, who is already committed to baptism. She is praying on a date, and we only taught her the first discussion that night. We might end up with a baptism this month. How cool would that be?!
My wife and I are the stake baptism coordinators our stake, which means we prepare the printed programs and do various other things to support the monthly baptisms of those children who have recently turned eight years old. The first Saturday of each month is Baptism Saturday, except April and October when it slips to week two because of General Conference.
Yesterday, just before the ceremony was to begin, the stake Primary president was talking to the baptism candidates about being baptized. The best thing to do is to bend your knees and pretend you are sitting down in a chair, that way you feet will stay under the water. Then she assured them that the water would not be cold. In that moment the story of the first baptism on my mission started coming back to me.
Just after I transferred into my second area, in Seaside, California, we started teaching a woman named Trudy. Actually, we were teaching her the discussions for the second time. For whatever reason, it was decided that this was necessary, and so I participated in teaching her all six discussions. I thought that this lady had to be golden because she had an LDS bumper sticker on her car.
After we had re-taught Trudy the first discussion she had a stroke. It seems that she was under so much stress from family issues that she had a few minor strokes. The latest one landed her in the hospital, and after a few attempts we were able to teach her the second discussion while she was there. While in the hospital, Trudy made three commitments with God, one of which was to be baptized.
When she got out of the hospital we taught her the third and fourth discussions at one appointment, and then my companion got transferred. With my new companion, I taught her the fifth and six discussions a few days before her scheduled baptism. After teaching the third and fourth discussions, I wrote the following in my journal: "This truly is a spectator sport. It is the spirit that converts and it is awesome to be here to see it happen. How did I get so lucky?"
Trudy wanted my former companion and another elder to come back down for the ceremony and to baptize her. We called the mission office but could not get permission for them to come, so I was elected to do the honors.
About this time the water heater to the font in the stake center died. We went to the chapel two hours before the ceremony and started filling buckets full of hot water in the kitchen and dumping them in the font but we eventually ran out of hot water. We had to finish filling the font with cold water.
Just before the ceremony, of course, we took some pictures outside of the both of us in our whites along with my companion in his suit. After the talk on baptism, Trudy and I walked to the font. On the way I told her to bend her knees because she was going down into the water backwards. “Backwards?!” she said. Okay, maybe that was not the best time to tell her. We had stopped by her place the night before to go over the ceremony but neglected that rather important detail.
When I led Trudy into the water she let out a shriek because it was so cold. Everybody laughed and she said it reminded her of growing up in Canada. We got into position and I said the prayer. I then started taking her back to immerse her in the water; she was most of the way under when her left leg popped up. I started to bring her back up and almost lost her. Trudy was, well, a bit overweight, add the wet clothes from being immersed, and she was very heavy. I think I let go of her, but she was back up enough that it wasn’t much of a problem.
My companion, one of the witnesses, told me that we had to do it again because her leg popped up. Trudy was having some trouble catching her breath because she was very cold. We had to calm her down before we could continue. I went through the prayer again, and then started taking her back down into the water. This time she stayed completely under before I started bringing her back up.
I had her most of the way out of the water when I let go and dropped her. She was heavier than I had the strength to lift. This time Trudy went reeling back to the stairwell where she hit her head on the railing. We finally got her up on her feet and we both went back to the dressing rooms to change.
I felt so bad that after, I changed into my suite, I just sat in the dressing room with what must have been a thousand yard stare. I sat there for a long time until my companion and our district leader came back to check on me. They assured me that everything would be okay. My companion confirmed Trudy and the service concluded with a hymn and a prayer. I still felt bad. A baptism is supposed to be a beautiful thing, but this one seemed more like a disaster.
Even before the ceremony I had been having mixed feelings about this baptism. I felt less than worthy of the blessing of a baptism as my first companion in Seaside often decided to visit the home of a member family where we would often end up watching television -- a definite no-no. Then, as noted above, when I taught Trudy it was the second time that she was taught the discussions. I was not there to see her conversion. It did not help when she asked for two other missionaries to come down and baptize her. After the ceremony I felt even worse.
I have wondered for many years what we could have done differently at Trudy’s baptism. It would have been really helpful to me if there had been another person in the font to help me pull Trudy back up out of the water. I do not know if that is allowed, however. I honestly thought I was going to get sued, but it seems that everything really did turn out alright.
Later in the evening we stopped by to see Trudy and give her a priesthood blessing.
I should have been grateful to just to have been involved in the baptism of Trudy. It is the spirit that converts, not us, so what does it matter if her conversion happened before I got there? For whatever reason, it was decided that she should be taught the discussions a second time, and I was there for that.
Then there was my second companion in Seaside, who showed up in time for the last two discussions and the baptism itself. He did not appear to be bothered by the fact that he did not get there sooner. Trudy still needed some help after the baptism with some issues and my companion helped her in a lot of ways, so maybe he earned it a little after the fact.
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