I saw this morning a story criticizing a public figure for something he once said, I was reminded of a talk given by Marvin J. Ashton a number of years ago. Basically, if we look long enough and hard enough, we can find any statement or action by someone that we can find fault with, we can do this because everybody is human.
Because it is so easy to find fault, we may think that we know everything we need to know about an individual as we judge them harshly. The reality, however, is that we are like the character Sergeant Schultz from the television comedy series Hogan's Heroes, "We know nothing, nothing."
We do not know what we do not know. We cannot see into the hearts and minds of those we criticize. Hidden from our view are the trials and heartaches others are dealing with. We do not know the private Gethsemanes people are experiencing.
King David once compared the tongue with a sharp sword (Psalms 57:4). Much later someone said that the pen was mightier than the sword. Many in the world today may yet identify with David, feeling themselves to be the victims of those who use their tongues (or their keyboards) as sharp swords. The misuse of our tongues seems to add intrigue and destruction as the media and private persons indulge in this pastime. In today's vernacular this activity is called bashing.
Bashing - to strike with a heavy crushing blow.
"This popular behavior is indulged in by far too many who bash a neighbor, a family member, a public servant, a community, a country, a church," said Elder Marvin J. Ashton during the April 1992 General Conference the of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. "Some think the only way to get even, to get advantage, or to win is to bash people. Often times character and reputation and almost always self-esteem are destroyed under the hammer of this vicious practice. How far adrift we have allowed ourselves to go from the simple proverb 'If you can't say something good about someone or something, don't say anything' to where we now are often involved in the bash business."
You don't have to be religious or a Christian to believe that kindness is better than meanness. Nonetheless, it is particularly striking to me when I see self proclaimed Christians participate in bashing. For "even though," said Elder Aston, "reports and rumors pertaining to misconduct and misbehavior are readily available and can make good ammunition for those who would injure, bash or damage, Jesus Christ reportedly declared that he who is without sin may cast the first stone. Ugly reports and conversations are always available to those who would promote the sordid and sensational. But none of us are yet perfect. We each have failings that aren't terribly difficult to detect -- especially if that is the aim. Through microscopic examination one can find in almost every life incidents or traits that can be destructive when they are magnified."
Christians are to be reminded that their Savior, reportedly the only perfect person ever to walk the earth, taught us through quiet example to say nothing or to be silent in stressful times in our lives rather than to spend time and energy bashing for whatever purpose.
"So what is the antidote," asked Elder Ashton, "for this bashing that hurts feelings, demeans others, destroys relationships, and harms self esteem? Bashing should be replaced with charity."
Joseph Smith said that "If we would secure and cultivate the love of others, we must love others, even our enemies as well as our friends. We should cease wrangling and contending with each other, and cultivate the principles of union and friendship. We need to be kinder with one another, more gentle and forgiving. We need to be slower to anger and quicker to help. We need to extend the hand of friendship and resist the hand of retribution. In short, we need to love one another with a pure love, with genuine charity and compassion and, if necessary, shared suffering."
While the word charity is often equated with visiting the sick or giving to those in need, it is much, much more than that. "Real charity is something you acquire and make part of yourself," said Elder Ashton. "When this virtue is implanted in your heart, you are never the same again. It makes the thought of bashing repulsive.
"The greatest charity," Elder Ashton continued, "comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other, but being understanding and patient when it doesn't happen."
We all have weaknesses and challenges, and we don't need someone to point our failings out to us as we are probably already fully cognizant of where we are falling short. What we really need are family, friends, employers, associates, etc., "who support us, who have patience with us, who believe in us, and who believe we are trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses. What ever happened to giving each other the benefit of the doubt? What ever happened to hoping that another person would succeed or achieve? What ever happened to rooting for each other?"
Much of what Jesus Christ taught seems to center around the virtues of love, compassion, forgiveness, and long-suffering -- in other words, those qualities that enable us to deal with our fellow human beings more compassionately. Much of what Jesus taught centered around the way we treat each other. Yet many who profess to believe in Him are willing participants in the bashing so common today.
Instead of being bashers, we should be nurturers; people who build rather than destroy. We should have understanding and forgiving hearts, and look for the best in people. We should leave people better than we found them. We should be fair with our competitors, whether in business, athletics, politics, on the Internet, or elsewhere. We should not try to "win" by intimidation or by undermining someone's character. We should lend a hand to those who are frightened, lonely, or burdened.
"If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces," Elder Ashton concluded, "I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. . . . Let us open our arms to each other, accept each other for who we are, assume everyone is doing the best he or she can, and look for ways to help leave quiet messages of love and encouragement instead of being destructive with bashing."
“The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.” (James 3:18.)
Source: Ashton, M. J. (1992). "The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword." Accessed January 23, 2013 at https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/the-tongue-can-be-a-sharp-sword?lang=eng
