A 2006 Gallup Poll showed that 80 percent of Americans rated the moral condition of our country as fair or poor and thought it was worsening. Recent events may have served to highlight the decline in America's moral condition, and there are already calls for more rules and regulations. While new laws may be appropriate, by themselves they will not be enough; even the greatest of walls can be undermined by a lack of character and integrity.
The Great Wall of China was supposed to be impenetrable, yet during the first hundred years of its existence, China was invaded three times. The wall was never torn down, nor was it scaled by invading armies; instead gatekeepers allowed the invaders to enter after accepting a bribe. The Chinese had banked on the physical integrity of the formidable stone walls but had overlooked the moral integrity of their soldiers.
A few years ago, I came across a TED talk given by a retired Navy admiral named James Stavridis. The former NATO supreme commander showed an image from the World War I battlefield of Verdun. Referring to the trenches of the Great War, the Maginot Line of World War II, and the battle of Stalingrad during the same war, he argued that “walls don't work.” Despite this fact, he noted that we have continued to build walls, including the Iron Curtain and the Berlin Wall of the Cold War. The admiral could have included the Great Wall of China as discussed above.
Another wall that did not work, was the “hedge” or “fence” which Jewish leaders built around the Law of Moses. By building this “wall” the elders hoped to develop a system of rules and interpretations that would keep people as far from sin as possible. The Law of Moses was intended to point the Children of Israel toward the Savior, but instead, with additions, it became extremely burdensome.
It is not the intent of this blog to argue politics. As with the Chinese and their soldiers, our first line of defense is not the "walls" of commandments, rules or laws, but is rather our personal integrity and character. Character underpins our humanity; ultimately it defines us as individuals and has a significant impact on motivation and performance. Indeed, character is the foundation of all decision-making.
Integrity is a vital component of an individual's character; the word comes from the Latin integritas, which referred to the quality of a Roman Legionnaire's armor. With integrity, all was possible in battle and all was whole. Absent integrity, there was vulnerability; indeed, there would be a "disintegrity" or disintegration.
We might also consider the barges which the brother of Jared was commanded to build, they were to be "tight like unto a dish" or "watertight." In discussing how effectively watertight a ship or submarine is they use the term "watertight integrity." If all of the hatches and openings are closed to the sea, and if all the hatches to the interior compartments are closed and dogged shut, then the watertight integrity is good. If even one hatch or opening is left open it can doom a submarine.
In May 1939, the submarine USS Squalus sank to the bottom of Long Island Sound when her main induction valve -- which drew in air for the engines when on the surface -- was stuck open. Quick action by the crew prevented the forward compartments from flooding, allowing 33 men to be rescued.
It seems, however, that no matter how strong we are, or how much character and integrity we have, there is always room for improvement. No matter how much we have learned or how much we have progressed, we are still human and continue to fall short of perfection because of our weaknesses and inadequacies. There is clearly a gap between reality and the ideals we strive to live by. We strive, we stretch, we reach, and still we fall short.
President Thomas S. Monson often said that “decisions determine destiny.” In May 1968, he said, “Perhaps the word 'character' best describes one who is true to himself. For character takes no account of what you are thought to be, but what you are.” President Monson went on to say, “Character is having an inner light and the courage to follow its dictates. One who is true to himself develops the attributes needed to survive errors, to keep marching on the road that seems to be without end, and to rise above disappointment and distress.”
In his TED talk, Admiral Stavridis argued that “We will not deliver security solely from the barrel of a gun.” Neither can we strengthen the moral condition of society solely by passing laws or writing new regulations, and neither can we strengthen our personal character and integrity by relying solely on commandments and rules.
While commandments and laws are important, and should be kept and obeyed, there are other opportunities for strengthening our character and integrity. In Moroni chapter 7, Mormon gave us counsel on how we can have “every good thing.” The recipe is simple: Faith, Hope and Charity. If we come unto Christ, humble ourselves and have faith in him, that we might be lifted by his grace, then we must have hope, and if we have faith and hope, then we must have charity. Charity is the pure love of Christ, it endures forever, and without it we are nothing.
Mormon counseled us that when we pray that we should pray to be filled with this love. It is never too early to start, and we should continue to pray that we may continue to be filled with charity, that we may be purified and that we may truly be like Jesus. We must be careful to always have faith and hope, and to always pray and study the scriptures, so that we may never lose this charity once we have been filled with it.
If we are filled with charity, then might our character and integrity be strong, then, like the barges built by the brother of Jared, might we be “tight like unto a dish.”
Even if we are praying regularly to be filled with charity, there will still be threats to our character and integrity and constant vigilance may be the price we pay. Some of the worst things that happen to us are the things we do to ourselves; the doubts we entertain, the grudges that we carry, the habits we pick up and the sins we commit. We may also become prideful; we may ignore reality and say that we have achieved the ideal, even as we continue to fall short. Or we may forget the ideal, saying that it is too hard to achieve, so why even try? We must be ever vigilant, we must be meek and lowly in heart, and we must pray always.
The good news is that the Atonement is there for us, even if our failings are not great sins. The Lord said to Moroni that He gives us weaknesses so that we may be humble; He also said that "my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
There will always be the the opportunity to humble ourselves and have faith in Christ and to be lifted by His grace.
On the Mount of Transfiguration, Jesus appeared in a transfigured state to Peter, James and John -- "And his raiment became shining, exceeding white as snow." Then Moses and Elijah made an appearance. Moments later the mount was overshadowed by a cloud and a voice was heard, saying, "This is my beloved Son: hear him."
Before Jesus began his ministry, there were no prophets in the land, and various individuals and groups claimed an exclusive privilege to interpret scripture. Early in his ministry, Jesus claimed that role for himself, but the Transfiguration answered the question definitively from the perspective of the Gospel writers.
The Hebrew Bible was an open canon during this time, though the Torah (Law) was, for all intents and purposes, a closed canon. The authoritative writings could be divided into three distinct sections, the Law, the Prophets, and the Writings. In their appearance, Moses represented the law while Elijah represented the prophets, and they were seen talking with Jesus. This was followed by the voice in the cloud, which identified Jesus and God's Son and commanded that He be heard.
This episode ends any controversy about the right of Jesus to interpret the Law and the Prophets. The disciples were to listen to Jesus, and not to representatives from the Scribes, Sadducees, Pharisees, or Essenes, who claimed the right themselves.
As they descended the mountain, Jesus counseled Peter, James and John not to talk about what they had seen until after His death and resurrection, a statement not understood by the three disciples at the time. Though He would be rejected in Jerusalem by the elders, the scribes and the chief priests, the Father had verified by His own voice that Jesus' forthcoming rejection, suffering, and death in no way disqualified Him as God's beloved Son. Jesus' words must still be obeyed, no matter what happened to him in Jerusalem.
As children we learned to sing:
I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here. . . .
Rich blessings are in store;
If I but learn to do his will
I'll live with him once more.
Though we may be persecuted, rejected, even forgotten by our fellow humans, these trials in no way disqualify us as children of God. Though others may not recognized our noble birthright or see the value which we possess, the fact remains that we are the children of a loving Father in Heaven and that we have value. The actions of those around us cannot repudiate God's declaration that the worth of souls is great.
In those times when we are feeling discouraged, alone and forgotten, we should remember that we are God's children, that He loves us, that He has work for us to do, and that He will not forsake us.
Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!
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Six months ago I was writing about choosing happiness and accentuating the positive; while I acknowledged that it was not always easy I was pitching that it was time to "sing hallelujah, come on get happy." The road that followed has been a difficult one.
For all the talk of choosing happiness, life is difficult. Sometimes we are called to sail through troubled waters. Sometimes our challenges are of short duration but highly traumatic, at other times they may be of a low intensity but seemingly interminable. Sometimes we must go straight from an Omaha Beach and into Normandy-like hedgerows.
There are times when we desire to rejoice, yet we find our heart groaning. As important as choosing happiness might be, we should remember two things:
First, Nephi, a prophet who had witnessed many great visions, at least once felt to exclaim "O wretched man that I am" because of the temptations and sins which so easily beset him. What those temptations might have been does not really matter, what matters is that they were difficult for him.
Second, Jesus wept. When he finally reached Mary and Martha, after the death of Lazarus, and he beheld their sorrow, he wept. Even though he knew that he would very soon go and raise Lazarus from the dead, Jesus wept.
Knowing these two things, we should cut ourselves some slack next time we desire to rejoice, to choose happiness, to sing hallelujah, but instead feel despair at the vicissitudes of life. We can allow ourselves to feel frustrated, even angry at some of the challenges we face -- there are times when I am not very fond of diabetes.
But then let us remind ourselves of the great gift we celebrate at this time of year. "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son." Then might we say as Nephi did "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, o my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul."
---
"I love you."
Three little words.
Three words, if we are blessed to have someone we love, that we should be saying often.
But if we keep saying the same words, will they not become vain repetitions?
No!
Unless our actions betray our words -- reveal our love to be absent -- then our repetition of "I love you" is not in vain.
Think of other words or phrases we might say with some regularity. Do they lose their meaning just because we keep saying them?
Of course not.
So, next time you get on your knees, and find that you are expressing yourself in words you have said before, and you worry that your repetition is becoming vain, ask yourself if you still mean what you say -- if you are truly sincere.
If the answer is yes, then fear not, and keep praying.
---
It occurs to me that before an individual can receive love, truly open themselves up to receive and accept love, they have to first believe and accept that they were worthy of being loved. Seems simple enough, except that the Adversary is working overtime to persuade us that we are not worthy of receiving love.
For myself, it seems that he started early and has been relentless. I have also made a few mistakes along the way, picked up some bad habits, and some shame for the sins and temptations which so easily beset me. There remains a nagging doubt that if my friends really knew about my weaknesses, they would reject me.
But this is just another lie from the father of all lies. I am a child of God, and He has sent me here. As such, I have value -- we all do! We are all beautiful and special because we are the creation of a loving Father in Heaven.
Courage, then, for the Lord is on our side.
Crash and burn. I feel that I have again crashed and burned. The last few months of 2017 were a very difficult ending to a difficult year. It should have been a better year, but it wasn't.
The year 2016 started off with a financial crisis, which was then followed by a health crisis. I stopped taking my insulin because I believed that I could not afford the prescription. I had been getting samples from my doctor, but that benefit went away.
For six months I sailed through Dangerous Ground alone. (Dangerous Ground is a large area in the southeast part of the South China Sea characterized by many low islands and cays, sunken reefs, and atolls awash, with reefs often rising abruptly from ocean depths. In October 1944, the submarine USS Darter (SS-227) ran aground on Bombay Shoal in Palawan Passage. In January 2013, the mine countermeasures ship USS Guardian (MCM-5) ran aground on Tubbataha Reef in the middle of the Sulu Sea.) Because of the financial crisis, my wife checked out, seeking to avoid the things she felt that she could not handle. I naturally felt forsaken by God to be in a position where I was dependent on a prescription I could not afford.
I expected to die, but was preserved, so I could not have been truly forsaken. The year ended with a promotion at work which helped me to afford my prescription and which also helped build my confidence. But the promotion was temporary, and as 2017 began, I felt that I was back to where I had been before it. At work I felt as if I had been shoved into a corner and forgotten. I also felt that I was running out of time to find a way to afford that insulin, and was headed for another financial crisis. Again I felt alone and forsaken.
But, again, I was not wholly forsaken, for when the crisis came, I received the help that was needed. It wasn't easy; I had to accept a generous helping of humble pie, yet I was blessed. My wife resolved to face her fears, so I was less alone. Yet I woke up in the middle of one night, experiencing a low blood sugar episode, and as I looked in my car for some protein bars, I found myself shouting at God for leaving me so utterly alone in 2016.
For all I had been through, which included the death of some friends and my uncle, my heart was broken, and healing would not come. I continued to feel forgotten at work, and began to lose some of the confidence I had gained from that temporary promotion. One more crisis loomed as my high school reunion neared and I wondered what would happen if and when I saw a a friend who had been shutting me out. As the days counted down I became more and more anxious, imagining many different scenarios.
Once more, I was not really forsaken. When I saw my friend, there was no confrontation, no ugly scene. While we didn't talk, our eyes met, and we found a way to have peace. Still, the moment was ambiguous, and I wondered if I should offer an olive branch through a mutual friend. The response came back that such an offer was not necessary. My friend was pleased that we could both attend the reunion, and I gathered that, while everything might not be perfect, there had been progress made in the last few years and that the matter was moving in the right direction.
In the summer of 2016, I lost an angel, an old friend, to cancer. In the fall of 2017, I found another angel, and a new friend, who I was able to visit in her time of need. Yet it is true that the byproduct we receive by giving service to another can sometimes be greater than our contribution – or so it may seem. My new friend, seemingly near death, recovered, and seeing this has filled me with a joy I cannot describe. But her real gift to me was to know that someone really appreciated what I have been trying to contribute with my photos and my stories.
I often struggle with compliments, finding myself deflecting them, or simply disbelieving them. But my friend was so evidently sincere, that I could not help but believe. I have tried, as a result, to be more accepting and believing of the compliments I receive. It has not been easy, but it has been worth it.
Though 2017 had its crises, on the heals of the crises of 2016, I have been blessed with help when I needed it, and with unexpected gifts. But broken hearts can be stubborn, at least mine has been. For all of the good, I need only go to work each day, to feel again that I have been forgotten. I thought about looking for another job, but if my only option is to go to a different call center, then I might as well just stay.
Working in a call center is a great way to feel like chopped liver. There are Key Point Indicators – stats -- and expectations to meet, and mandatory overtime is a fact of life. It was difficult enough before that temporary promotion – I was a trainer, teaching new agents, and it was one of the best things I have done professionally – but coming down from that high made it so much more difficult to take calls all day everyday. One reason I stayed was the hope of being a trainer again during the fall ramp-up season, but that didn't happen.
While I was stuck on the phone, my fellow trainers from the 2016 ramp were walking the floor as SMEs. My supervisors would talk about getting me certified to take escalation calls but then did little to make it happen. I would try to stop focusing on the things I could not control and instead focus on helping the callers; inevitably, I would get an angry caller and that effort would fly out the window.
I used to be better at not letting things get to me, at going with the flow, and taking things as they come. But not in 2017; instead I found that I struggled to take my own advice, which I had been giving to my wife for years as she struggled with challenges at her jobs. I thought, after all, that I had learned so much in high school and on my mission about dealing with adversity. Now it seemed as if none of those lessons had value.
My wife always said that it was easier said than done, and now it seemed that she had been right all along. The only good thing I can see coming from this is that, perhaps, I will be a little more understanding when she has her struggles. At work, 2018 has been more of the same, and I have struggled to find answers.
Perhaps, though, the ultimate moment of feeling forgotten came at Christmastime. I have learned not to have expectations about gifts, to just enjoy being with family and to view any presents as a bonus. But this Christmas I felt that I had literally received nothing. Many of the gifts given to both my wife and I were sugary treats that I cannot eat because of my diabetes. I received some apologies, but that seemed to be all. I tried to accept the apologies and let it go -- because Christmas, after all, is not about the gifts you receive -- and at first I was successful.
My birthday is two days after Christmas, and starting when I was a teenager it has seemed that it is usually forgotten. In 2017 it was remembered at work and on social media, and by my wife, but I found myself spiraling into a deep depression. The Christmas shutout came back to haunt me as I spent much of the day anticipating another birthday disaster.
one year my wife wanted to take me to dinner at the Mandarin in Bountiful, a really bad idea on a night between Christmas and New Years, and the place was packed. We went to Plan B, a restaurant in Salt Lake, only to find that it, too, was packed. In no mood for Plan C, I gave up and we went home. While I sulked, my wife ordered Chinese food to be delivered – she does love me!
Actually, there was no birthday disaster in 2017, except for the depression I had spiraled into. Once you fall into depression, it is very difficult to climb out. Again, my job is no help. I continue to struggle, and I have fallen to some of the temptations which so easily beset me.
But lest I end this post on a low note, let me remind you of the good things that happened in 2017. I received the help i needed when faced again with financial and health crises. When I worried about seeing an old friend at the reunion, I instead found peace – at last, peace! I found an angel who gave me the gift of allowing me to give service to her, and also the gift of a sincere compliment to my self worth. I received blessings that I had not fully appreciated before I sat down to write this post.
There is hope, then, even as I may be called to endure yet more challenges at work.
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of our faith in him according to the promise" (Moroni 7:41).
As an answer to the problems which face us, President Thomas S. Monson counseled us to "Look to the lighthouse of the Lord. There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no gale so strong, no mariner so lost but what its beacon light can rescue. It beckons through the storms of life. The lighthouse of the Lord sends forth signals readily recognized and never failing. . . . The Lord loves us, my brothers and sisters, and will bless us as we call upon Him."
Let us remember the words found in Psalms 18:2-3: "The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; . . . I will call upon the Lord . . . so [I shall] be saved from mine enemies."
President Monson added that, "From the bed of pain, from the pillow wet with the tears of loneliness, we are lifted heavenward by that divine assurance and precious promise: 'I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee' (Joshua 1:5). Such comfort is priceless."
He did not fail me, nor was I ever really forsaken. Let us count our blessings, then, and look to the lighthouse, for there is always hope.
